Talking NFL

Time to call the shots for this year’s post-season.  Before we begin, let’s take a look back at how I’m predicting the regular season will unfold (a.k.a. - here’s the post you should bookmark so you can laugh your ass off at me around Christmas time…):

AFC EAST

Patriots  13 - 3
Jets  11 - 5*
Bills  8 - 8
Dolphins  4 - 12

AFC NORTH

Steelers  10 - 6
Bengals  9 - 7
Ravens  8 - 8
Browns  5 - 11

AFC SOUTH

Colts  12 - 4  
Jaguars  8 - 8
Texans  7 - 9
Titans  5 - 11

AFC WEST

Broncos  11 - 5
Chargers  10 - 6*
Raiders  6 - 10
Chiefs  5 - 11

NFC EAST

Cowboys  10 - 6
Eagles  8 - 8
Giants  6 - 10
Redskins  5 - 11

NFC NORTH

Lions  9 - 7
Bears  8 - 8
Packers  7 - 9
Vikings  5 - 11

NFC SOUTH

Saints  10 - 6
Panthers  9 - 7*
Falcons  6 - 10
Buccaneers  5 - 11

NFC WEST

49ers  11 - 5
Rams  9 - 7*
Cardinals  8 - 8
Seahawks  6 - 10

* - Wild Card Teams

(Quick notes:  Yes, I neglected to give you a full preview for both the AFC & NFC South.  Mea Culpa.  Apparently I’m still fighting the Civil War.  Also, I believe the numbers work out here, but my engineering degree is over a decade old, so feel free to double check it.)

OK, onto the playoffs…

Wild Card Round:

Jets at Broncos

Despite having the same record, the Jets must fly out to Mile High and take on the Broncos.  By this time, I see Jay Cutler having matured & becoming a much more efficient playoff quarterback than Chad Pennington, who’s post-season yips continue.

Broncos 23 - Jets 14

Chargers at Steelers

Back in 1992, rookie head coach Bill Cowher took a Steelers team that underachieved the year before (7 - 9), and led them to a division title.  I’ve predicted that history will repeat itself with energetic new head coach Mike Tomlin.  Unfortunately, I’ve also predicted that they lose in their first playoff game, just like Cowher did.  This time around, it’s by the hands of a Chargers team that’s simply too loaded with talent to overcome.

Chargers 31 - Steelers 17

Rams at Lions

Having finally made the playoffs, Matt Millen is awarded a 5-year contract extension the week before the wild card games.  Detroit is then annihilated at home by the Greatest Show on Turf, v2.0, as Kitna throws 5 INTs.  Lions fans jump off the Renaissance Center en masse.

Rams 41 - Lions 3

Panthers at Saints

A shootout in the Superdome?  Advantage; Brees, Bush & Company.

Saints 38 - Panthers 35

Divisional Round:

Chargers at Patriots

Same matchup as last year.  The Chargers are still more talented, but the Patriots still have a major edge in coaching.  Plus, the game is held in snowy Foxborough instead of sunny San Diego.  L.T. racks up over 120 yards and 2 TD’s, but Brady throws for 3, including one to the pesky Sammy Morris.

Patriots 24 - Chargers 14

Broncos at Colts

Denver returns to the scene of back to back crimes in ‘03 and ‘04, where the Colts destroyed them in 2 playoff games by a combined score of 90 - 34.  But this time, they’re ready for Manning.  Armed with Champ Bailey and Dre Bly in the secondary, they’re able to keep pace with the Colts, as Jay Cutler comes through in the clutch with a late TD strike to tight end Tony Scheffler.  Peyton Manning longs for the days of old by strangling himself just after the 2 minute warning.

Broncos 34 - Colts 31

Rams at 49ers

The pieces are falling into place for the Niners.  Frank Gore continues to run teams over, while the defense starts to gel under new stud linebacker Patrick Willis.  The Rams run defense woes catch up to them, and the offense barely gets on the field as the 49ers eat up the clock.

49ers 20 - Rams 14

Saints at Cowboys

Conversely, the Saints porous pass defense comes back to bite them against Romo, T.O., Terry Glenn and Jason Witten.

Cowboys 35 - Saints 21

Championship Round:

Broncos at Patriots

Pats fans breathe a sigh of relief that Manning & Company won’t be coming to town; forgetting that when it comes to having Belichick’s number, nobody’s better than Shanahan.  He’s 5 - 2 against the Pats since 2000, including Belichick & Brady’s first post-season loss in ‘05.  More importantly, Denver is ready for the cold weather & wears down the Patriots aging linebackers with that patented run game.  Meanwhile, Brady is distracted by Gisele’s latest diva moment & throws another costly interception to Champ Bailey near the end of the game.

Broncos 23 - Patriots 21

Cowboys at 49ers

It’s a classic rematch of two former superpowers!  Romo hits T.O. for the T.D. late in the 4th quarter, and the Boys go up 27-21 with a minute left to go.  But Alex Smith engineers an epic drive, finishing it off by hitting Vernon Davis in the back of the end zone for a touchdown, and the 49ers go on to the Super Bowl (wait, you’ve heard this one before?)…

49ers 28 - Cowboys 27

Super Bowl XLII:

Broncos vs 49ers

It’s a rematch of Super Bowl XXIV, when the 49ers destroyed the Broncos 55 - 10.  This time, the roles are reversed.  Simply put, the AFC is still superior, and Denver becomes the 5th straight team from that conference to win the title.  Jay Cutler’s coming out party is complete, as he throws for 4 TD’s, no INT’s and wins MVP honors.  Broncos fans can finally let Elway rest in piece; they’ve found his heir apparent.

Broncos 42 - 49ers 15

NFL, Predictions, Playoffs, gambling is bad, gambling on my picks is VERY bad