Talking NFL

“Free Agency? That’s when I’m a Viking!”

With the free agent signing period ready to begin on Friday, one question is on everyone’s lips; what unitard moves are going to be made by the Skins this time around?

Seems impossible that they would be able to top last year’s quartet of overpaid losers, but don’t count on Snyder being able to resist reaching for his wallet. He has trouble keeping it in his pants. Just like Sean Salisbury.

True, he did spend $30 million on a white strong safety last season, but I think he’s ready to top himself in ‘07 with the following moves:

1) Daniel Graham: 5 years, $25 million for a blocking tight-end. Continuing the trend of signing ex-Patriots (David Patten, Christian Fauria), then completely forgetting about them…

(Note: If you’re reading this Snyder, for 1/100th of that, I’ll stand in the way of guys like Javon Kearse and get run over. I’m pushing 3 bills, it’ll at least take them time to run around me. And think of all the cap space you’ll save…)

2) Terrell Owens: 4 years, $60 million (trade from Cowboys in exchange for 1st round pick, cash, and Kim Etheredge’s “services”). Near the end of his career, this move will be more for leadership in the Redskin clubhouse.

3) Britney Spears: 5 album deal at $50 million. She’s fired up & just crazy about getting to work on a new record!

4) Tom Cruise: $100 million for team motivational speaker. “Just do that shit you did in Magnolia, Tom, without the frogs. That should work.”

Or that thing you did on Oprah, just not so gay.

Dan Snyder, Free Agent, Washington Redskins, bad, signing

Say what you want about ‘Clock Killin’ Dillon, but two things are certain;

1)  He’s at least a borderline Candidate for the Hall of Fame

2)  His love/hate relationship with the media has always been fun to watch

And although his interactions with the media in Boston are nothing compared to his tumultuous times with the Bengals, he’s had his moments with the New England press as well.  Which is what makes last week’s little song and dance about Corey’s future that much more intriguing.  It also offers some insight on that time honored arts of credible journalism, spin control, media relations, and back pedalling.

(Important note:  before we begin this analysis, I just want to remind everyone out there that I am not a member of any press agency, nor have I spoken with any of the parties I am about to mention below.  I’m just a schmuck with a keyboard who likes sports.  Not exactly a news flash for anyone who’s been reading this site regularly, but I just felt like I should preface this article by reminding you all that I have no qualifications for this job whatsoever.  So read at your own risk and enjoyment.  There, I feel better.)

First, let’s take a quick look back to just over a month ago.  Just after the Patriots playoff loss to the Colts, John Tomase of the Boston Herald reported that Corey Dillon ‘wanted to play next year and didn’t expect the Patriots to try to renegotiate his contract’.  This was according to an interview Tomase had with Dillon’s agent, Steve Feldman (important note, by the way - John talked with Corey’s agent, not the man himself).

Thoughts:  So everything seemed to point to Corey coming back and playing with the Patriots for another year.  Gumdrops and daffodils, everyone loves each other.  Hooray.

Wait a sec:  That is, until last Thursday evening (Feb. 22nd), when the Boston Globe’s Mike Reiss dropped this bombshell after a cell phone interview with Corey:

“Running back Corey Dillon wants to leave the game on his own terms, saying yesterday he will ask the Patriots for his release and is prepared to retire.”

Further on in the article, Mike DOUBLE-CHECKS with Corey, asking him if he would suit up for another team.  Dillon’s response:

“”Football is the furthest thing on my mind right now,” he said. “I may wake up and feel the itch and decide I still want to shake it, but as of now, I doubt that will happen.”

Later in the interview, Dillon notes that he ‘had yet to speak with the Patriots,’ and ‘he expected to talk further with his agent, Steve Feldman, about his decision.’

Thoughts:  My educated guess is this;  despite his antagonistic relationships with other media members, it appeared that Dillon had a very good rapport with Reiss.  Back in December, Dillon granted Mike an interview - his first of the season.  Near the end of that article, they discussed how Corey was coming closer to the end of his career, with Corey saying, “when my time comes, I’m not going to be angry about it. As a matter of fact, I might be the happiest man on the planet, to be honest.”

So Mike did what any good reporter would do, and did a follow-up interview to check & see how Corey was feeling about retirement.  Turns out, Corey was ready to give him the goods, even before discussing the matter fully with either his agent or his team.  That’s great work on Mike’s part, so kudos to him for breaking the story.  So now we’re kissing a fond fair well to Corey, and wishing him luck with the H.O.F., right?

Wait a sec:  That is, until the next morning (Feb. 23rd), when ESPN ran the following story:

Dillon seeks release, may play elsewhere.  ”Dillon’s agent, Steve Feldman, told ESPN.com’s John Clayton on Friday that he will be talking to other teams about their interest in the veteran running back. Feldman said he and Dillon talked to Patriots coach Bill Belichick about Dillon’s role in 2007 and how Dillon doesn’t want to be a back getting only seven to 10 carries a game.”

This, of course, completely contradicted Corey’s quotes in the Boston Globe article about having “had a ton of carries, a ton of pounding,” and not wanting “to be broken down, not able to play with my kids.”

Thoughts:  You don’t really need the thoughts precursor here, it’s common sense.  When Corey’s agent, Steve Feldmen, heard about his clients comments on retiring right before the biggest free agent bonanza year in NFL history, he shit a brick.  

Whether or not he first called Corey up to say, “what were you THINKING?!” before getting John Clayton on speed dial is a moot point.  What Feldmen did is what any good AGENT would do, and immediately try to salvage his client’s value on the market, regardless of whether or not Corey in fact wanted to play another year.  Because, of course, Corey had said he was ready to retire, right?

Wait a sec:  Low and behold, on Saturday, Feb. 24th, Corey apparently woke up, scratched that itch, and decided to ’shake it’ one more time.  And guess who broke the story?  Why, none other than old friend John Tomase of the Boston Herald, who modified the title of his piece originally written on Jan. 26th from ‘Dillon wants to carry on’, to ‘Dillon WILL carry on’:

Speaking to FSN New England’s Greg Dickerson yesterday, Dillon backed off comments he made in the Globe, when he said he was preparing to call it a career. Blaming himself for the “miscommunication,�? he said retirement is just one option.  He was far clearer on his Patriots career, saying a return “is not going to happen.�?

(Interesting to note that Tomase himself has still yet to speak directly with Dillon…)

Thoughts:  Hell, you’ve got me.  I’m too dizzy to think right now….

Seriously, here’s the part where we need to read between the lines:

At some point during this soap opera, the Patriots probably told either Dillon or his agent (or both), that if Corey was going to play for the Patriots again, they were in fact going to need to restructure that contract.  At which point, Feldmen most likely advised his client to look for ‘greener’ pastures.  If not, perhaps it was the thought of playing 2nd banana to Laurence Maroney for another year that put Dillon off.  Either way, as evident throughout each article, Corey is a very prideful guy (one could say too sensitive as well), and probably didn’t want to be cut on March 2nd, or continue to play behind the rookie.  Instead, he chose his own way to say he wouldn’t be back with the Pats and gave Mike Reiss an off-the-cuff retirement speech.

So what does this all mean?

For the Patriots, it means $2.4 million in cap savings if Corey plays somewhere else, $4.4 should he retire.  But it also means they lose an excellent short yardage back who scored 13 TD’s for them last year.

For Corey, it means a few more months to decide whether or not to keep playing and increase his chances for entrance to the Hall.

For teams like the Pittsburgh Steelers, New York Jets, Detroit Lions, Cleveland Browns, or Oakland Raiders, it’s means there’s a rather appealing veteran running back that may be available and a good fit for their running game needs (albeit at a high price & with high mileage).

To be continued…

Oh, by the way, yesterday John Tomase reported that Troy Brown is ‘thinking’ about ‘retirement’, although he didn’t actually talk with Troy.

Hmmm…you’ll forgive me if I take an “I’ll believe it when I hear it from the horse’s mouth,” attitude on that one, John.

Corey Dillon, New England Patriots, Boston Globe, Boston Herald

This just in - Bears Chairman Mike McCaskey is not the grandson of legendary coach and owner George Halas, but in fact a seventh generation decendent of the bastard child of Ebenezer Scrooge.

The paternity test results came out this weekend. When this blogger contacted him for an interview to discuss this finding, I was greeted with, “Plague and damnation! Can’t you see that I’m trying to run a business here?” before he hung up.

Of course, subtle hints of Mr. McCaskey’s real roots to Scrooge have been evident for several years. The Daily Herald’s Barry Rozner noted that they’re both ‘cheap, heartless and, worst of all, transparent.’ (Transparent? Perhaps he was thinking of the Ghost of Christmas Past, whom Scrooge nailed to produce his illegitimate offspring)

The news comes as little consolation to the departed masses of the Bears coaching staff: quarterbacks coach Wade Wilson, defensive line coach Don Johnson, assistant offensive line coach Harold Goodwin, and defensive coordinator Ron Rivera. Rumor has it they all will be making more at their new jobs than the allowance of 15 shillings per week they made with the Bears.

As for head coach Lovie Smith, he’s taking his current contract situation (one year remaining) in stride, as Nick West of the News Sentinel reports:

“Sometimes, with a contract, it takes time, but I’m confident we’ll get it done. Of course I don’t like being the lowest-paid coach in the league. I’d like to be in a different position. I look at it like I won’t be in that position long.�?

Somewhere, Bob Cratchit is smiling proudly.

When asked why a raise hasn’t been given to a coach that brought his team to their first Super Bowl in over 20 years, McCaskey responded;

“If he’d rather go and die, then he’d better do it and decrease the surplus coaching population. Bah, Humbug!.”

Meanwhile, Bears fans can take comfort in this fact: right now, in the seventh layer of hell, they are busy forging the chain that McCaskey will have to wear for all of eternity. Just like his great-great-great-great-great-great grand-dad.

Chicago Bears, Mike McCaskey, Lovie Smith, cheap

“You’re not, you’re not good, Al. You stink.”
- Ty Webb, Caddyshack

And with that, let’s look at 4 teams team destined to not be good in ‘07:

1)  Kansas City Chiefs
Two things stand out about the Chiefs.  First, break out the Viagra and the Centrum Silver, because these guys are getting up there.  In fact, they could be on the verge of one of those seasons where all the key guys get old & hit the wall at the same time.  Trent Green (37), Will Shields (35), Eddie Kennison (34), Ty Law (33), Tony Gonzalez (31).  Even frisky back-up QB Damon Huard is 33, and he’s not a lock to come back.  The mid-thirties might not sound bad in real life, but in the NFL, those are dog years.  Bad dog years.

Secondly, if you go back and watch the Wild-Card Game against the Colts (or just read the analysis), you’ll see a team that just fell flat in every aspect of the game.  The venerable Peter King of SI even called it, “truly one of the worst performances by a playoff team I’ve ever seen.”  (Don’t hold back, Peter:  how do you really feel?)  Does it mean that Herm Edwards didn’t have his boys as prepared as possible to “play to win the game?” or that the players themselves were simply over matched?  Either way, neither the coaching nor the players is changing much in ‘07.  Add this to the fact that they get both Super Bowl teams on the road this year, and I see the Arrowhead pointing downward in the win column (that was cheese, wasn’t it?  OK, fine…next…)

2)  New York Giants
Four words:  Coughlin stays, Tiki leaves.

Now, admittedly, the G-Men will not miss Tiki’s mouth, but they’re definitely going to miss those 2,127 yards of total offense.  Can Brandon Jacobs carry the load instead?  He did have a 4.4 yard per carry average, and 9 rushing TD’s.  However, the jury is still out on him as a full-time running back.

There are 2 other sub-plots to the Giants that are even more intriguing that this one.  First is the Eli Manning factor.  After 2 1/2 seasons as the starter for Big Blue, Eli’s progress seemed to stagnate last season, to the frustration of Giants fans everywhere.  Plus, with big brother getting the monkey off his back, the monkey has simply turned around & jumped onto the younger sibling, where it will continue to fester & grow until Eli leads the Giants to at least a playoff win (could than mean you’ll be seeing ‘I hate Eli Manning’ columns here in the not too distant future?  Keep those fingers crossed!).

Finally the BIGGEST sub-plot - that being the return of Tim Coughlin as head coach, combined with a new General Manager, Jerry Reese.  First, some more information about Reese’s background, care of North Jersey’s Ian O’Connor, who starts his column off with this beauty:

Jerry Reese will roll up his sleeves and dirty his hands as an NFL general manager, do not worry about that. He was about 10 when he started working in his great grandfather’s slaughterhouse in a backwoods corner of western Tennessee, shooting hogs through the eyes, cutting their necks, skinning them, making them bleed.

Holy crap!!  Guess it’s not surprising that Reese starting chopping off heads in the Meadowlands very quickly (LaVar Arrington, Carlos Emmons and Luke Petitgout were the first victims).  What IS surprising that he decided to bring Coughlin back for another year.  Oh, wait - he didn’t.  That’s right, in another example of ‘Dumb-ass Team Ownership Moves 101′, co-owners John Mara and Jon Tisch FIRST gave Coach Coughlin a one-year extension on January 10th, THEN hired a General Manager a week later.  (Seriously, do any of these guys hold MBA’s?  College degrees?  Vocational school certificates??)  So not only is Coughlin coming into the season as a lame duck coach (I know he got an extension through ‘08, but let’s face it - if the Giants don’t win a playoff game, he’s gone), but his new GM is all ready looking at the 3 Bills (Cowher, Parcells, and Belichick - again, it could happen…), while he sharpens his great-grandpa’s axe in his back office.

In the long run, Reese might be the right man for the job, but this smells like a rebuilding/reassessing year to me, where they come up short of the post-season.  And if so?  Well, let’s just say the Reign of Terror might be considered mild by comparison…

3)  Detroit Lions
Yes, I realize they finished 3-13.  No, I did not forget that the name of the column is “Teams on the Decline in ‘07″.  And yes, I’m completely serious.  Let’s look at some off-season headlines:

- Running Back Kevin Jones was diagnosed with a Lisfranc sprain and may not be fully rehabilitated in time for camp (Source:  ESPN)
…I have no idea what a Lisfranc sprain is, but it sure doesn’t sound good.

- Cornerback Dre Bly and Defensive End James Hall have asked to be traded, and the Lions have granted them permission to seek potential trade possibilities. (Source: Detriot Free Press)
…if it’s that easy, how come the rest of the roster isn’t asking for a trade?

- Damien Woody, who was fined repeatedly last year for being overweight, is going through an intensive weight-loss program but it might not be enough to save him from getting released. (Source: Sporting News)
…when your offensive lineman are on the verge of getting cut for being TOO big, you officially have a screwed up team.

- The Lions are content to go with Jon Kitna as the starter in the Mike Martz offense. (Source: ESPN)
…and when you ask, “for the love of God, why?!”, just remember:

- Matt Millen is still the Detriot Lions Team President (Source: TalkingNFL)
…last I checked, at least. Oh, and if Lions fans didn’t hate him enough allready, here’s his latest quote on the draft, care of the Detroit Free Press:

“”I don’t know if you’ve noticed this, but we haven’t really looked at what people have said we should do too often.”

(stunned pause)…perhaps, maybe…you should start?

Here’s the deal - if you’re a Lions fan, you NEED to hope that they’re even worse this year.  If they go 6-10 instead, then Wacky Willy might say, “hey!  Look at that progress - they won twice as many games this year!” and keep The King of All Morons for yet another year.  Then more bad times lie ahead…

No.  The Lions need to suck again, even worse than last year.  They need to be historically bad.  They need to lose to the Bears 73-0.  They need to go winless.  They need to cause a chaotic run on paper bags in the greater Detroit area:

If that happens then maybe, just maybe, Lions fans will get their wish.  

(Right now, the guys over at Lions Fans are somberly nodding in agreement…)

4) San Diego Chargers
Why am I going with the Bolts?  Besides the fact that everyone in San Diego hates me all ready?

Might have something to do with their new head coach, Norv Turner.

Now, I have to say that, to my surprise, several well respected NFL writers; Peter King of Sports Illustrated, and both John Clayton and Michael Smith of ESPN came out in support of the hiring.  Among other reasons, they cited that Norv is a nice guy that would get along with A.J. Smith, he would be a perfect mentor for Philip Rivers, and he is the coach who originally installed the current Charger offense when he was offensive coordinator in 2001.

These are all very good, coherent reasons to back the hiring of Norv Turner.  Allow me to respond with my own well crafted counter-argument:

HE’S NORV FREAKING TURNER!

He’s got a 58-82-1 record after 8 years as a head coach!  His former players are coming out of the wood-work saying, “you’re kidding, right?”  When he was head coach of the Raiders 2 seasons ago, I took some journal notes (for my Fantasy League site) when they opened up against the Patriots.  Here’s a sample:

- The Raiders just got a penalty for 12 men on the field. Good to know that’s still Norv Turner roaming the other sideline…looked like a real coach for a while there.

- The Raiders just made yet another Raider penalty – a 15 yard personal foul after a 3 yard gain. Norv looks confused – should I yell at someone? Should I talk to the official? Should I take a shit?

Hey, don’t just take my word for it.  Here are just some of the reactions from my favorite fan site after Norv’s hiring (from the thread, ‘Norv Turner will kill the Chargers season in 2007‘):

“After all that has happened this is the best they could do!  DAMN!!!!”
“(bleep)…I wanted Ryan…This is a disappointment.”
“This is a tragedy…”
“NOOOoooooooo!!!!!!”

Fortunately, the Charger faithful caught a break when hot coaching prospect Ron Rivera was inexplicably dropped by the Bears, and A.J. Smith finally make a good coaching personnel move and scooped him up as their linebackers coach. He’ll make a great head coach in 2008.

Until then? It looks like it’s going to be another fun year in San Diego!

Are you into the combine? Me…not so much. To me, it’s hard to get excited about draft prospects running around a dome trying to improve their stock. I mean, who do you cheer for? Do you cheer at all? I’m really confused by the whole phenomenon from a fan’s perspective.

Although I may have to tune in to the 40-yard dash & long jump competition between the big fatties. Just for entertainment purposes:

Can you say, “Timmmmmmmberrrrrr!!!!”

(how about that guy on the left who has to measure the landings - does he get danger pay?)

Anyways, for those of you who want your fix, here’s some links:

Sports Illustrated’s Tony Pauline takes a look at the players with the most to gain, the most to lose, and some potential sleepers.

NFL.com’s Gil Brandt declares that teams have been preparing for the combine for weeks. (Uh…thanks…)

Finally, John Clayton takes a look at 10 things worth watching. Among them, the fact that Brady Quinn’s stock is dropping faster than former NFL players’ enthusiasm about San Diego’s new head coach….

Onto Part 2 (Click here for part 1).  

So what was the other quarterback/coaching tandem that teams need to lookout for in 2007?  

That would be the dynamic duo of Andrew Walter and Lane Kiffin of the…

3)  Oakland Raiders

….just kidding.

3)  Denver Broncos
Shanahan & Cutler may sound more like a company that makes kitchen appliances, but it’s much more formidable in football terms.  The Jake Plummer experiment is finally over, and regardless where you stood on his benching in the stretch run, it means that Cutler comes into camp as the definitive starter with an 88.5 QB rating in his 5 starts to back him up.  You also know that the Broncos will have a solid run game to compliment him (even if you have no idea who’s going to get the bulk of the carries.  A quick fantasy football tip you probably figured out already - stay away from Denver running backs!  Treat them like strippers that look like this, and run!

What we don’t know is how the defense will pan out.  At the start of last season, the Broncos D was tougher to penetrate than the 2001 version of Britney Spears (Ms. “I want to wait to have sex until I’m married.”). They finished up as easy and messed up as the modern day version of the former Mrs. K-Fed.  With that, they are making significant off-season changes, one being to trade in much of that defensive line they acquired almost exclusively from cast-offs that the Cleveland Browns didn’t want (apparently that idea sounded just as bad as it really was).  Unfortunately, it’s going to be tough to get an impact player with only $7.6 million in cap room to play with.  

However, this is a front office that has proved very resourceful in getting the player they need with creative trades (Champ Bailey in ‘04 from the Redskins, Javon Walker last year from the Packers), so look for them to make a comparable move this year.  In addition, I think their division schedule is going to be very favorable to them this year (more on that later…).  I like the Broncos to get back in the post-season this year.  Or, as Bud Fox would say, “Blue Horseshoe LOVES the Denver Broncos”.

By the way, I realize that’s 2 consecutive postings with a Britney Spears shot, but come on - have you seen what’s happening to her?!  This could surpass “Matt Millen as GM” in terms of PR disasters.  Thank goodness that woman checked herself into rehab.  Her next stop should be a convent.

4)  San Francisco 49ers
The only team of the four that I’m profiling that hails from the NFC.  Given the current balance of power in the NFL, I thought that was appropriate.  Granted, the 49ers just lost offensive coordinator Norv Turner, and that will hurt.  But there’s still a great deal to like about the Niners…for instance:

- Show me the money!  San Francisco enters the free agency period with $37 million to spend.  As the Wendy’s dudes would whisper…”that’s 37 million junior cheeseburgers!”

- “The inconvenient truth”.  That’s the nickname for running back Frank Gore, according to Rich Eisen.  1,695 rushing yards from scrimmage, 5.4 yards per attempt average, 8 rushing TDs.  (On that note, I’m officially changing his nickname to ‘Frank the Tank’.  Any objections?  No?  Good.)

- Coach Mike Nolan.  Student of Dan Reeves.  Coming into his 3rd season after steady progress last year.  Plus he brought the suit back to the sidelines.  Old school, baby.

- Advantage to being an NFC Team?  Lots of NFC Opponents.  Arizona, St. Louis, Atlanta, Tampa Bay, the Washington Generals (you get the idea…)

- Tight End Vernon Davis.  Beast in the making.

Of course, this is all contingent on quarterback Alex ‘little hands’ Smith continuing his maturation process in his third year.  If not, well, you never saw me, and I never wrote this…

Bonus Team - Arizona Cardinals: I include them here because it looks like they may actually be heading in the right direction.  I loved the Ken Whisenhunt hiring - perfect for the Leinert, Boldin and Fitzgerald trio.  Plus, over $36 million in cap space and a cushy NFC schedule.  However, their draft history after the 1st round isn’t too solid (how’s that J.J. Arrington pick working out?), they’re on the verge of losing their only competent offensive lineman in Leonard Davis, and they’re probably going to need a full year to recover from the Dennis Green experiment.  So I think we’re looking at an 8-8 season with higher hopes for ‘08.  If you’re a long time Cardinals fan, that still not bad compared to what you’re used to (which is ONE winning season since they moved to Phoenix in ‘88…ouch!).

Up next, four teams that, as Han Solo would say, “I’ve got a bad feeling about this…“

Dennis D, one of my long-time readers (all of 2 months), has requested a posting that resembles ESPN’s “contender” or “pretender” segment and debates who are the legitimate up & comers for next season (without the part where Sean Salisbury and Sean Clayton rip on each other to the point where you start to wonder if they sumo wrestle after every segment).

My first thought was that it’s WAY too early to be discussing this topic, with free agency and the draft still ahead of us. But the more I thought about it, the more I figured that might not be true. Think about it; between both, how many roster spots are altered that severely on the average NFL team?

First, let’s look at free agency. Everyone sites this as a thin free agent class across the board. Football’s Future has listed a total of 29 ‘top’ free agents. You could argue that some of the other free agents may become impact players, but that’s probably off-set by some of these ‘top tier’ guys who may in fact become busts (hello, Tim Rattay).

As for the draft, how many guys are going to be starters and impact players their first year? Hopefully your 1st and 2nd round picks, but after that, you’re looking at a crap shoot. So let’s say 3 or 4 guys, just to be safe. Combine that with an average of 1 impact free agent player per team, and that’s 4 or 5 new impact guys per 53 man roster, or less than 10% of the total team personnel. (And yes, I dusted my engineering degree off to crunch those numbers, thanks for asking…)

Besides, here’s what we know already for the 2007 season; the schedules, salary cap room for each team, the general managers, the head coaches (now that the Chargers have hired the WILDLY successful Norv Turner), 90% of the starting quarterbacks, and about 90% of the rosters. Add that with a little foreshadowing based on franchise history and each team’s front office, and it’s certainly safe to come up with four teams to watch out for and four teams that might already be in trouble.

So let’s do that, shall we? Today we begin the four teams on the rise. We’ll get to the four horsemen of the apocalypse later this week.

(As a reference note, I’m taking all the estimated 2007 salary cap numbers from the site Ask The Commish, which I highly recommend to anyone looking for basic football knowledge)

1) Pittsburgh Steelers
Quick side note - during my recent cross-county trek, my first stop over point was Western Pennsylvania. Coincidently, it was the night that the news of Mike Tomlin getting the head coaching job was first leaked. Not only did every local TV network lead with this story, but they also beat it to death for at least 10 minutes, complete with random street interviews of stunned Pittsburgh locals greeting the news with surprised optimism. Now THAT’S a football town! Seriously, if Britney Spears decided to shave her head that weekend, it still wouldn’t have been the lead story, and I’m not really sure what would have been able to beat it…

“Tonight on Channel 6 - Mike Tomlin to become new Steeler head coach! Also, Osama bin Laden found and killed, more at 11…”

Seriously? I was surprised as everyone else when the Steelers passed on promoting either Ken Whisenhunt or Russ Grimm, and went with Tomlin instead. Perhaps they were simply taken aback by his striking resemblance to Omar Epps. But when a family run organization hires only it 2nd new head coach since NASA put a man on the moon, all you can say is, “I’m guessing they know what they’re doing.” Also, at age 34, Tomlin is the exact same age that Bill Cowher was when he became the Steeler’s head coach in 1992. As Michael Smith of ESPN reported, the Steelers know how to find good young coaching talent, and conducted a thorough yet efficient coaching search.

More importantly, a new coach might be exactly what the Steelers needed most. It was all to obvious that the organization suffered through a year long Super Bowl hangover, and that Bill Cowher just didn’t seem to be the same fire & brimstone coach he’d been in the past. Take that into account with general manager Kevin Colbert staying put, none of the starters are Unrestricted Free Agents (UFAs), and several key players will be UFAs in 2008 (S Troy Polamalu, LB Joey Porter, OG Alan Faneca, DE Aaron Smith, RG Kendall Simmons, LB Clark Haggans and FB Dan Kreider), meaning they’ll be playing for a fat, new contract this year.

Make no mistake, there are still obstacles for the Steel City - they have less than $2 million in cap room, Roethlisberger needs to bounce back from a down year (and keep that motorcycle in the garage), and the retirement of center Jeff Hartings literally leaves a big hole in the middle of that vaunted offensive line. But this is a franchise that has an excellent resume, especially when it comes to drafting and knowing what Free Agents to keep and which to let go. I think the Steelers are ready to rebound in 2007.

By the way, with Bill Cowher resigning, do you know who is now the longest tenured head coach in the NFL? That would be Jeff Fisher, leader of the…

2) Tennessee Titans
These guys are already a trendy pick for a team on the upswing with many prominent NFL columnists, and since I’m a trendy guy, I’m picking them as well.

The bad news in ‘06 was that the front office completely butchered the handling of the quarterback position. From banning Steve McNair from the team training facility in the off-season, to actually bringing in Kerry Collins (who should definitely be referred to as THE worst quarterback in Super Bowl history with his 15 of 39 for 112 with 4 picks stink bomb in SB 35), which pissed of Billy Volek so much he demanded a trade. The good news is that entire soap opera setup an early entrance for Mr. Excitement, Vince Young, who went 8-5 as a starter and will be giving defensive coordinators fits for years to come.

Also, the Titans are finally checking out of salary cap hell, where they’ve been residing for the past 3 years. After losing the likes of players like Samari Rolle, Derrick Mason, Kevin Carter, and of course McNair, they enter the ‘07 off-season with 36 million bucks in cap room. True, they’ve got some tough divisional opponents in the Colts and Jaguars, and they have to deal with San Diego at home, and Denver and New Orleans on the road. But they also get Tampa Bay, Oakland and of course, the Texans twice (when I Googled “how bad are the Texans?”, I came across fan blogger Thomas Hilton, who got to a point last season where he stopped being angry & started feeling sorry for the Texans marketing, sales and PR people).

Lastly, when in doubt with an NFL team, always look at the coach & QB tandem. Fisher & Young not only sounds like a good law firm, it is a very good coaching/QB combo in the NFL.

As is the combo on my #3 team…however, since I went a bit nuts again, and have some other ‘real’ work to do, we’ll have to hold off on teams 3 and 4 on the rise until tomorrow (I know - I’m such a tease…)

Electronic Arts may be the world’s largest third-party publisher of computer and video games, but when it’s comes to football, they’re in the process of perfecting the ultimate anti-Midas touch…

With the departure of ‘The Chin’ from the Steel City, there’s a new hell-spawn at EA headquarters that’s been conceived from the now infamous Madden Curse.

Meet the “NFL Head Coach” curse:

Rumor has it the video game maker had preliminary plans in place to put Marty Schottenheimer on the ‘07 game cover before he got whacked.

Meanwhile, Detroit Lions fans are begging EA Sports to green-light the following new game:

Tom Brady is known throughout the league for being very nimble on his feet, with the ability to get himself out of trouble. We’re about to find out if those skills translate off the field…

Earlier today, Liz Smith of the NY Post broke the story that Brady’s former girlfriend Bridget Moynahan is pregnant, and Tom is the father. This according to Bridget’s spokeswoman, Christina Padadopoulos, who also says Brady’s former love interest is over three months pregnant.

You can bet that Gisele Bundchen is breaking out the calculator to figure out the math on that one. If the numbers don’t add up, Brady’s going to wish he was back on the field getting slammed around by Jason Taylor instead…

My only concern from a football standpoint is that this little soap opera get taken care of prior to mini-camp. Brady needs to focus on remembering how to beat the Colts, not spend his time taking paternity tests. After this experience, perhaps he might want to visit this site, and take a few notes.

As for Ms. Moynahan, let’s see; 36 years old & biological clock ticking? Check. Acting career starting to fizzle out? Last I heard, she was making out in a movie with Heather Graham. BIG Check. Probably not taking the news about Gisele too well? You think? Check.

Diagnosis, doctor? Never EVER EVER date an insecure actress (as Col. Jessep would say about grave danger - “is there another kind?”). She is going to find a way to wreck your life if you screw her over. (This, of course, doesn’t apply to MY little Hollywood starlet…love ya, babe!)

Yesterday, we had the first victim of the off-season game of Franchise Tag. Defensive end Justin Smith of the Cincinnati Bengals, who will make $8,644,000 in ‘07, but will not be able to test the free agent market.

As you can tell, he’s a bit pissed-off by that…

A quick refresher on how the Franchise Tag works is available on Wikipedia.

Here’s a look at some other players who might get tagged before the February 22nd deadline:

- Dwight Freeney (DE), Indianapolis Colts:
The world champs have a tight salary cap situation looming, but they probably won’t risk letting Freeney go. Despite a bit of an off year (6 sacks), Freeney is still considered a huge impact player entering the prime of his career, as he will turn 27 next week (Happy Birthday, Dwight! We’re giving you the Franchise Tag. Don’t party too hard…)

- Asante Samuel (CB), New England Patriots:
As Mike Reiss of the Boston Globe reports, it’s looking more likely that the Pats won’t want to risk losing Asante after his breakout season. Not only did he pick off 10 passes this year in the regular season, but he’s run back 3 picks for touchdowns in the last 5 Patriot playoff games. Also, how do you think Coach Belichick would react to the Jets scooping up Samuel (and you know his former defensive back coach Mangenious is drooling over the thought like a 20 oz. Porterhouse Steak)? Not so good, me thinks…

- Adalius Thomas (LB), Baltimore Ravens:
He’s positioned to be one of the prime linebacker targets in free agency, unless of course, the Ravens pull the trigger on the tag. While I don’t agree with the Baltimore Sun’s Mike Preston that a long term deal for Thomas is a risky proposition, I do agree that the franchise tag move is the right one (besides, take a look at Mike Preston’s picture - I’m not going to argue with him; he’s a mean looking dude!).

Of course, if you thought Thomas wasn’t considered the # 1 linebacker free agent to hit the market, then you were probably thinking of:

- Lance Briggs (LB), Chicago Bears:
Who is almost assuredly getting the tag, seeing just how thin the LB crop is after these two guys. However, as Brad Biggs (no relation) of the Chicago Sun Times says, there could be an issue with Lance’s agent; Mr. “Next Question!” Drew Rosenhaus. Of course, Drew was too busy congratulating himself to comment on whether or not Briggs would hold-out if he was given the tag:

‘Lance and I thought it was best to play out the contract,” Rosenhaus said of the decision to pass on a six-year offer worth roughly $33 million last April. ”God bless him, he’s had one of the great years. We made a good decision, and now people are patting us on the back for making it. We will make it work.”

Great work, Drew; congratulations. By the way, you’re still a jerkoff. Well, except for that one time where you saved a kid’s life. I guess that was a pretty cool thing to do.

Ironically enough, the kid he saved from drowning was from Chicago. Wonder if he’s a Bears fan…

I’m a bit wiped out today, after yesterday’s marathon posting. Besides, I’m dealing with a huge guilt trip that’s affecting my writing. While the entire Northeast dug itself out of a huge blizzard, I had to spend the day in Disneyland. I feel just terrible about the whole thing (wait, no I don’t).

So today, I’m going to let the pros do the heavy lifting for me…

- SI’s Don Banks, who always does great work, has a great piece on just how bad the first round of the 2002 draft was in regards to offensive players. David Carr, Joey Harrington, Ashley Lelie, William Green…yikes. To think all of these guys went well ahead of Deion Branch (65th pick, 2nd round), Brian Westbrook (91st pick, 3rd round), and Chester Taylor (207th pick, 6th round). When it comes to the draft, teams can pour millions of dollars in to scouting and combines, but they still just don’t know who’s going to make it and who’s going to fake it.

- For Miami Dolphin fans who were wondering if things could get any worse…well, “Giddy-up”! Barry Jackson of the Miami Herald reported yesterday that despite the Fins 6-10 record, they will increase ticket prices by 12% for the ‘07 season. So why another price hike after another nonplayoff year? ”We raise ticket prices every year regardless of what the season is,” owner Wayne Huizenga said.

Right after saying that, he lit his cigar with a $100 bill and muttered, “care about the fans?! Bah, humbugh!”

- Finally, a link for everyone freezing their butts off back home; it’s officially Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Time! The 2007 issue was published this week, both in magazine and online format. Apparently this year they went with a models & music theme. And, by golly, I do believe that’s an iPod that Marisa Miller is listening to. What happened to her Swimsuit is anyone’s guess. Enjoy!

Quick calendar note – today is Valentine’s Day! Hopefully, you planned ahead & got that special lady of yours some flowers and a reservation at a nice restaurant. If not, well, you’re screwed. The good news? Those flowers will be 1/2 off tomorrow, and the restaurants empty, so you can make it up to her on the cheap! Make no mistake, you still won’t get any, but at least you’ll be saving some serious bank…

Interesting side note: my girlfriend took a glance at P.T.F.S.D. Part 1 and mentioned that she had used that same acronym with me many times. Still, like a typical guy, I will not ‘Put The F^&*ing Seat Down!�?

Thank you, thank you…I’ll be here all off-season. Hey, speaking of which – I owe you guys Part 2 of my ‘what do I do with myself without football’ article! (Click here for Part 1) Of course, one option is to pull a Costanza and treat your body like it’s an amusement park, but in case that gets a bit ‘rough’, here’s Steps 4, 5 and 6:

Step 4: Volunteer for a Cause You Believe In

OK, I’m going off-topic for Step 4, and yes, I’m going to get a bit socially conscious on you as well. If you want to skip ahead to Step 5, you go right ahead. It doesn’t make you a bad person. Really. Just someone who doesn’t give a crap. Anyways…

One of the big debates going on back in my home state of Massachusetts is the proposed Nantucket Sound Wind Farm that is being planned by Cape Wind. If green lighted, the 130 off shore windmills would provide Cape Cod with over 75% of its energy needs through a clean and renewable energy source. It would also be the first off-shore wind farm for the entire United States, which would be nice for us to join the United Kingdom, the Netherlands, and Denmark, that are a bit ahead of us on the curve. (Denmark’s wind generation provides about 25-30% of total electricity demand in the country, with many offshore windfarms.)

Unfortunately, there is quite a bit of opposition to the wind farm. Most opponents have brought up arguments about the effect on ship navigation, marine life, and birds (there’s one woman in particular who’s appointed herself the official spokeswoman for the birds - it’s like she’s the Bizarro world version of the Lorax). All of these points, by the way, have been counter-argued successfully by Cape Wind. Their newest argument du jour is the fear that wind turbines mind mess with military radar (no proof, mind you; they’re just worried that Iran or the Taliban might be able to lob a nuke through Buzzard’s Bay without us seeing it through those turbines). Spare me, please…

What this debate really comes down to for those against it, is a case of NIMBYism, pure and simple. Some narrow minded and overweight politicians, for example, don’t want to ruin the view from their multi-million dollar compounds:

Well, this past fall I was fired up enough about the whole thing to contact Cape Wind directly and ask them how I could get involved. Sure enough, there was a Transition Team meeting for new governor Patrick Duval being held in Barnstable, where I could speak my peace & try to influence the new government. I’d never been to a meeting like that before, and was impressed by the turnout – it was standing room only. Anyways, I said my thing, met some of the folks over at both Cape Wind and Clean Power Now, and it felt great. Gave me a big old warm fuzzy.

Anyways, point being – you’ve got some time now; try doing the volunteer thing or the socially conscious thing. It’ll make you feel all special and stuff inside. (That’s right – I’m a bit of a tree-hugger. Deal with it.)

OK, for those of you waiting for NFL talk to resume, here’s where you can jump back in.

Step 5: The NFL Network

I think it was right about 2 years ago that I stumbled across Channel 265 on Comcast to find the glory that is “The NFL Network�?. You probably know it by great ads like this:

What I remember most about finding the channel that I was watching with my girlfriend and they ran a promo ad outlining all the off-season topics they were going to cover. They finished with the tag line, “The NFL Network, Where Football Season Never Ends!”

After that, I was laughing hysterically while my girlfriend had her head buried in her hands.

Guys, if you haven’t found this channel yet, do it now. If you don’t have it, pony up the extra moola and subscribe now. If you’re one of those few, unfortunate Adelphia or Cablevision subscribers that can’t get it yet, call both your cable provider and the NFL Network everyday and complain until they figure out a deal. Then watch the magic. There’s so much good stuff here that I could devote a whole week to it, but it would ruin the surprise. I want you to have the same experience I did when I found all the features that you could dial up through the ‘On Demand’ menu. I may have shed a tear of joy – I can’t remember…

Step 6: Talking NFL

The last & most important step? Keep it right here, baby! (Duh. What did you think Step 6 was going to be – affirmation?)

Seriously, like the NFL Network said – what off-season? There is no off-season! There’s stuff going on all the time; just within the last week, we’ve had a surprise coaching hire in Dallas, the stunning dismissal of Marty in San Diego, Andy Reid has announced he’s taking a leave of absence, the Giants new GM Jerry Reese has started house cleaning, and those are just the major headlines!

And take a look at the following key off-season dates just around the corner:

February 21: NFL Combine
February 22: Deadline for designation of Franchise/Transition players
March 2: Free Agency
April 28-29: NFL Draft
June 1: Detroit Lions mathematically eliminated from 2007 Playoffs

Honestly, it’s almost too much for one guy to keep track off. Fortunately, I’m up to the task, and have a small army of interns hitting the internet, filling me with coffee, and scheduling me for seven months of regimented, strategically planned, hard-core blogging. (Actually it’s just me with a bunch of goofy ideas in my head, but I’m ready, baby!)

So to surmise: take a deep breath, paint a picture, watch some spring training games, plant a tree, watch the NFL Network, and subscribe to Talking NFL. It’ll be September before you know it!

We interrupt our regularly scheduled off-season recovery program to bring you the following video clip from the Pro Bowl, care of my buddy Arik from back home & the website Foul Balls.

Apparently, the game WAS worth watching if you caught this on-field meeting between Bills punter Brian Mooreman and Redskin safety Sean Taylor. The replay with the Japanese broadcast audio is just the icing on the cake.

I have it on good authority that the last bit translates in English as, “welcome to the jungle, b$%@h! You’re gonna die!”

The first thing I thought of when I saw this video was, “who the heck runs a fake punt in the Pro Bowl?” The answer of course, Bill Belichick. That’s when I realized the move made perfect sense. Why not get the Pro Bowl punter from one of your divisional rival’s decapitated? That way, the team then has to waste free agent money or a draft pick on his replacement. My god, the man really is a genious!

The more obvious question here is; did Sean Taylor forget what game he was playing in, or is it simply an unwritten ‘man law’ in the NFL: if you’ve got a free shot at a kicker or punter, by golly, set your phasers on ‘obliterate’?

I’m guessing it was a combination of the two.

According to ESPN’s Chris Mortensen, Marty Schottenheimer was fired this evening by Chargers team president Dean Spanos.

Not to break out the Anchorman jokes again, but as Luke Wilson’s character said when Tim Robbins chopped his arm off; “ahhh! I did NOT see that coming!”

Spanos cited a “dysfunctional situation” between the coach and general manager A.J. Smith.

That’s like calling the ongoing cat fight between Jessica Biel and Lindsay Lohan a “subtle misunderstanding”.

With 5 Charger assistants jumping ship this off-season (including both coordinators), it appears that one of two things happened. Either Smith and Schottenheimer could not agree on who would fill Wade Phillips spot once he accepted the Cowboys head coaching job, or A.J. simply figured that with all the off-season coaching departures, why not start from scratch now? (especially since he & Marty don’t exactly play racquetball together…)

Either way, the problem for the Chargers now is to fill the head coaching position at a time when nearly every other team has their staff in place for 2007. And whoever becomes the new HC in SD will want to fill the assistant ranks with their own staff choices (meaning that poor Clarence Shelmon is probably going down in the trivia books as the shortest tenured offensive coordinator in Charger history). Again, with every other team in good shape, this will be a challenging task.

However, not all the news is bad for Charger faithful. If A.J. Smith is able to pounce on Bears defensive coordinator Ron Rivera, then they will have secured a very well regarded assistant that appears ready to take on a head coaching position. And now they won’t have the specter of Marty’s playoff failings hovering over the team in ‘07.

As for Marty, say want you want about him (and many have, myself included), but if it came down to him not backing down from A.J. regarding who his assistants would be, then good for him. One thing that has always been said about Schottenheimer is that he is a loyal guy, and he may have gone down going to bat for his staff and his guys. That’s the type of guy I would want to work for.

He’s also the guy I would want coaching the team that my team was playing against in the postseason, but sadly that’s not going to happen anymore (man, I’ve REALLY got to stop this habit of throwing one last jab instead of ending the post on a positive note). All right, let’s try this again; you know what’s great about Marty? He always

Now that the beloved Pro Bowl is over (and exactly when did they start playing that game on Saturday? I received no programming email regarding this…), the 2006 NFL season has officially come to a close. We now have nearly seven months to wait before the next meaningful pro football game.

That’s right…seven months…more than half-a-year…which means that NFL fans around the world today are reacting like Macaulay Culkin after he puts on the aftershave in Home Alone:

Welcome to Post Traumatic Football Season Disorder. Please take a number. The doctor will be with you shortly.

As great as pro football is, this is the dark time for us fans. Not only does the season come to an end in the dead of winter, but we have wayyyy too much time to think of what might have been with our teams, and too long to wait for the new season to begin. So what’s there for a football nut to do?

Me, I’m shutting it down - see you guys in September!

(Sorry…I kid because I love…)

In all seriousness, you could take Bluto’s advice:

Or you could listen to your friendly neighborhood NFL blogger. We’re both equally qualified.

Here’s my 6-step rehab program for dealing with PTFSD (which, if you try to say as one word, comes out like a silent but deadly fart):

Step 1: Breathe

It’s time to confront the problem head-on. Football isn’t coming back anytime soon, so you’re going to have to deal with it. Break out the paper bag, do some hyperventilating, and move on to Step 2. (By the way, I can’t remember if I got this advice from Dr. Phil or one of my numerous ex-girlfriends…either way, it works)

Step 2: Pursue a hobby

Your time commitment as a fan has just been drastically reduced. Time to do something that will better yourself as a person, as well as the community at large! Or at the very least, get your pasty white ass outside for a change.

Here’s an example straight from this site: last month, I wrote the article Motor City Moron, bashing Matt Millen and encouraging Lion fans everywhere to ban the team and pick up a hobby. I received a comment from reader Scott, thanking me for the sympathy, and telling me that I had inspired him to go out and create his own blog - a website dedicated to mosaics.

(That’s right - I helped turn a perfectly good NFL fan into a mosaics freak. No, I don’t know how I feel about that. In fact, I think this is a great time to move onto Step 3…)

Step 3: Watch another sport

True, pro football is the greatest game in North America, end of story. But you have to figure that the other pros are jealous and would like a bit more attention devoted to their games. So lets throw these lesser athletes a bone.

I’m an old school guy, so by other sports, I’m referring to the Big 3:

1) Hockey
Rumor has it this game played on ice with crooked sticks is still going on, and being broadcast on the Versus network (aka - the Artist Formerly Known as OLN). I believe you can find in conveniently located between the Oxygen channel and Skinemax 12. Enjoy.

2) Baseball
Can you say, “pitchers and catchers report to spring training this week?” I sure can! Tons of questions to be answered in the ‘07 MLB season. Can A-Rod pull a Peyton Manning and finally win the big one? Can Dice-K adjust to Fenway and major league hitters? Will Barry Bonds pass Hank Aaron’s home run record before his head explodes?

Fortunately for us, we have the very capable Anthony Amobi keeping track of things over at Fastball Fans. Check it out & tell Anthony the dink over at Talking NFL sent you.

3) Basketball
Likewise, hoops fans can get their fix over at 451’s Tip Off Talk, hosted by Paul Lambert. A word on Paul - he’s a sarcastic little sh$t like me, so I’m definitely a fan of his site. I’m even willing to overlook the fact that he ripped on the NFL and the Celtics in the same week. Obviously, he’s using the ‘let’s get some people angry & bring ‘em over to my site for a fight’ card. I for one, have played that game before with delightful results, so I refuse to take the bait. Besides, it’s true - the Celtics blow right now. But being dead last means they’re number 1 in the Greg Oden and Kevin Durant sweepstakes, so come on ‘(insert current Celtics opponent)’! Kick Boston’s ass!

Sadly, this strategy of pushing people’s buttons doesn’t seem to be working so far for Paul. Rush hour in Fargo, North Dakota currently gets more traffic than his site. So I’m willing to help a struggling brother out. However, it would make things more fun if Paul decided to, oh, I don’t know - mention what team he actually cheers for. To me, if you’re going to go out and ‘rub another man’s rhubarb’ (i.e. rip on his team), you best be able to take some shots as well, and this “currently lives out West in one of those square states” BS in his bio doesn’t cut the mustard. Has whatever pro, college or junior high team he waves the pom-poms for won anything in his lifetime? Or is he just too embarrassed to mention what state he usually parks his mobile home in? If so, as Paul himself would say, that’s just ‘yellow’. So Dr. Hoops, kindly pick a team, bribe some of your friends to go visit your website, and let’s dance, Frenchie. I’ll be waiting for you in the playground with a rake handle.

(That’s right; my new hobby for the off-season? Blog on Blog Violence! It’s Faaaaaantastic!)

And since I’ve gone off on another 500-word tangent, I’ll post Steps 4, 5, and 6 of my off-season recovery program on Tuesday. Until then, have a brew with Bluto, kids!