Talking NFL

Amongst the myriad of blowouts from this weekend’s NFL contests, the Redskins 34-3 bludgeoning of the Lions stands out for several reasons. First, it makes the Lions all-time record against the Redskins in D.C. 0-for-21. That’s right, the Lions have never won in the nation’s capital, despite the fact that they’ve been playing games there since Neville Chamberlain was Prime Minister of Great Britain.

Furthermore, a look at the highlights courtesy of NFL.com reveals some serious hitting going on, with the Lions on the receiving end of all the big blows. Coaches like to talk about winning in all facets of the game: offense, defense and special teams. A review of those highlights (complete with time markers - hey, we know you’re busy) provides concrete evidence that the Skins put the smackdown on the hapless Lions in all three areas:

Offense (0:52 mark): Redskins Fullback Mike Sellers (pictured above) introduces himself to Lions safety Kenoy Kennedy.

Defense (1:39 mark): Lions running back Kevin Jones runs into the brick wall that is Redskins saftey LaRon Landry.

Special Teams (2:07 mark): Best hit of them all! During a Redskins punt return, Lions special teamer Etric Pruitt finds out why Sean Taylor is the boom king.

(Note: Isn’t it awesome watching a highlight of a punt return, and they pause it to circle a defender who’s chasing after the returner without looking in front of him? You just know he’s about to disappear from said highlight in spectacular fashion. That always makes me happy…does that make me evil?)

Luckily for the Lions, they’re still 3-2 and only one game behind Green Bay for first place in the NFC North. This despite being outscored 90-24 in their two losses.

Even better, they won’t have to come back to D.C. for a few more years.

Photo: Nick Wass, AP

Detroit Lions, Washington Redskins, home field advantage, boom king

While many reporters are looking at the Patriots chances of going undefeated (even ringing up members of the ‘72 Dolphins a couple of months early), what should also be examined now is the possibility that Tom Brady could set the single season record for touchdown passes.

After throwing for 3 more scores against the Browns on Sunday, Brady now has 16 over the first 5 games. This means he’s on pace to toss 51 touchdowns for the season, which would best Peyton Manning’s 2004 record of 49 TD passes. Here’s a quick look at the remaining teams the Patriots have to face, and how they currently rank in pass defense (based on yards per game allowed, care of ESPN):

Dallas Cowboys - 15th
Miami Dolphins - 2nd (they play twice)
Washington Redskins - 13th
Indianapolis Colts - 7th
Buffalo Bills - 32nd
Philadelphia Eagles - 17th
Baltimore Ravens - 22nd (Wow!)
Pittsburgh Steelers - 8th
New York Jets - 27th
New York Giants - 14th

It certainly appears that the next 4 weeks will be more difficult than the beginning of this season has been; however, it should be noted that the Dolphins pass defense is ranked highly because teams are finding it much easier to simply run the ball down their throats.

Also, as yesterday’s game showed yet again, Tom has an amazing knack for seeing what the defense is trying to take away from him, and then exploit a different match-up. When he had difficulty getting the ball to Randy Moss, he went to Ben Watson (6 catches, 102 yards, 2 TD’s) and Donte’ Stallworth (4 catches, 65 yards, 1 TD) instead. In addition, his offensive line kept him squeaky clean again, not letting the Browns sack him once (speaking of squeaky clean, here’s a site that’s much cleaner that this filthy one…).

So could Brady pull it off? Hey, the way the Patriots are playing right now, anything’s possible…

Tom Brady, New England Patriots, Peyton Manning, touchdown passes in a season, record

The next time I’m back in Boston, I’m buying Danny Vinik a beer.

And a lap-dance.

Possibly a house.

Great work, kid!

Photo: Jim Rogash, Getty Images

Boston Red Sox, Los Angeles Angels, anti-Bartman

Two videos for your viewing pleasure today.  First, Atlanta Falcons mascot Freddie Falcon graciously helps one of the cheerleaders celebrate her birthday.  Hey, what could POSSIBLY go wrong?!

(What a senseless waste of a perfectly good birthday cake.  Hat tip:  Deadspin)

For our 2nd video, we visit ESPN, which has decided to offer embedded videos as part of a new beta site (be warned - there’s probably a commercial or two lurking in there!).  One of the curious new segments is called “For Love Or the Game”.  In this installment, Drew Bennett is the subject, and his girlfriend must battle new starting quarterback (and head-banger extraordinaire) Gus Frerotte to see who ‘knows’ him better.  (An odd new twist on the newlywed game, yes?)

Just see if you did the same double-take I did with 32 seconds left to go (What?!  Why?!  Oh…):

So apparently Drew’s a geek; online Scrabble?  The Price is Right?  Hey, he’s just like me!  Maybe I’ll run into him a the next convention for this show…

(Hat tip: Ted, formerly of “A Price Above Bip Roberts”)

Atlanta Falcons, mascot, cheerleader, unprovoked attack, Drew Bennett, Gus Frerotte, For Love or the Game

Recently, Harris Interactive conducted a nationwide survey to find out which NFL team was the most popular. They also asked for predictions regarding who will win Super Bowl XLII.

The results are in, and if you happen to be from Pittsburgh, well I hate to tell you but you are no longer #1. That’s right, the Steelers had the top spot after winning Super Bowl XL, but this year they fell to #3. Here’s the rest of this year’s top 5, in reverse order:

5. Chicago Bears
4. Green Bay Packers
3. Pittsburgh Steelers
2. Indianapolis Colts

That’s right, the Patriots didn’t even crack the top 5! (They came in 6th. Jealousy is a terrible things, kids.) As for the top spot, well - drum roll please, as we congratulate….

The Jacksonville Jaguars!!

(Whoops, sorry - they came in dead last. My bad.) Turns out the real winner was:

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During the summer, every NFL writer takes a shot at picking a dark horse team that they feel is poised for a comeback year. A team that was simply awful the previous season, but has just enough of the right elements in place to make a rush for the playoffs. My pick(s) in the off-season were Detroit (lookin’ good!), and San Francisco (lookin’ not so good!). Others picked the Packers, Texans, and Falcons.

But I can’t think of a soul that had the Tampa Bay Buccaneers on top of the NFC South after Week 4.

After Sunday’s 20-7 beat-down of the Panthers in Carolina, the Bucs advanced to 3-1 and are the only team with a winning record in the division. How’d that happen?

For starters, Jeff Garcia has been a stabilizing force at QB. True, he’s hasn’t been spectacular, but he hasn’t thrown an INT yet this year. Chuckie likes that.

In addition, the defense has toughened up. Tampa leads the NFC in total yards per game allowed (292) and points per game allowed (11). And yes, playing against the likes of New Orleans, St. Louis and Carolina will do that for your stats.

But most important of all, the rest of the NFC South has been simply Gawd-awful. As NFL.com’s Adam Schefter reports, injuries and off-season drama have destroyed the Bucs opponents thus far.

So everything looks awesome for the boys in Tampa, right? Well…perhaps not so much.

Sunday’s win came at a heavy price, as the Bucs lost both offensive lineman Luke Petitgout and running back Carnell Williams for the year (the injury to Cadillac is at the one-minute mark of this NFL highlight clip, and I don’t recommend watching it before lunch. Knees were not meant to bend that way…).

In addition, I think it’s safe to say that tight end (and upstanding citizen) Jerramy Stevens won’t be helping the club anytime soon. Stay away from those nursing homes there, Jerramy. Old people won’t leave the couch if the Golden Girls are on; even if they’re about to get hit by a car…

Finally, their schedule is about to get much tougher, beginning this weekend in Indianapolis (a place where people like to get drunk and play Santa Claus, apparently). As much as I’d love to see the Bucs (and former Colt Cato June) pull off the upset, it’s painfully clear that they are not in the same class as Manning, Addai and crew. I write this piece now, for I fear after this weekend, the Bucs will be in even bigger pieces (insert Nelson laugh here).

PREDICTION: Colts 73, Bucs -2

What’s that? Disrespect? Why…yes, I guess you COULD say I am DISRESPECTING the Bucs! Yeah, I’m disrespecting the hell out of them! You hear me, Chuckie?! (Hope so…)

Tampa Bay Buccaneers, NFC South, comeback team, Jeff Garcia, Indianapolis Colts

It’s official; they’re the Evil Empire.  The Borg.  Beelzebub.  Barbra Streisand.  The hell spawn that is the New England Patriots is here to kick ass and chew bubble-gum, and they’re all out of bubble-gum…

Last night Tom Brady, Randy Moss & company dismantled an already undermanned & undertalented Bengals defense to the tune of 34-13.  The Pats average margin of victory is now 25 points over their first four games, meaning that last night that number actually went down.  Lucky for Patriots fans, Rodney Harrison comes back next week, so that should help bump that margin of victory right back up.

A few more odds & ends from last night’s contest, and the league in general…

- The Patriots next opponent (at 2-2) has a better record than their first four opponents (Jets, Chargers, Bills, Bengals), who are all 1-3.  The Pats next foe?  That would be the Cleveland Browns.  Who called that one?  
(* not raising hand *)

- Early in the game, when Bengals linebacker Lemar Marshall got injured, and Mike Tirico commented that they only had 4 healthy linebackers dressed; you could go ahead and pencil in Sammy Morris’ 100+ rushing game at that point.

- Speaking of which; just an FYI - attacking an opponents weakness is not considered cheating in the NFL.

- Randy Moss had nine catches for 102 yards, becoming the first player in NFL history to have 100+ yards in receptions in each of his first four games with a new team.  That deal with the Raiders on draft day is looking about as lopsided as the Paul McCartney/Heather Mills divorce settlement.

- With all that said, the whole “Patriots could go undefeated” talk needs to stop now.  Dear Lord Kornheiser, it’s WEEK 4!  Even Jaws was laughing at you, and he’s a humorless cyborg that studies game film.

- Also, with all the praise being heaped on the Pats, let’s not overlook the fact that the Indianapolis Colts absolutely handed it to the Broncos over the weekend.  A team that at least one sports writer was foolish enough to predict would go to the Super Bowl (* cough cough *).

So here’s your completely useless Talking NFL “Power Rankings” after Week 4:

1.  Colts
2.  Pats
Everyone else

(sorry, Cowboys and Packers fans; points off for the teams you’ve played and for being in the NFC)

As for why I’ve got the Colts over the Pats; 2 reasons.  First, the Colts are the defending champs, and old school rules mean you’ve got to knock off the champ to be the new #1.  Second, bulletin board material for Belichick & crew.

Naturally…

New England Patriots, Cincinnati Bengals, Monday Night Football, Randy Moss, freewheel burning, any Priest fans out there

Cast

LaDanian Tomlinson……….Carla Tortelli
Phillip Rivers……….Diane Chambers
A.J. Smith……….Dr. Frasier Crane
Ted Cottrell……….Cliff Clavin
Norv Turner……….Norm Peterson
Woody Harrelson……….Woody Boyd (hey, he’s available)

Scene:  Chargers HQ (conveniently, there’s a bar)

——————————————————-

Philip Rivers:  ”Yes, coach wants to see me after yesterday’s game, but I’m not worried.  Suffice to say, he insists on making mountains out of molehills.”

L.T.:  ”He wants you to wear a padded bra?”

Philip Rivers:  ”Listen, you media whore-”

(Norv Turner enters)

Norv:  ”Afternoon, everybody.”

Everyone:  ”NORV!”

Woody:  ”What would you like, Norv?”

Norv:  ”A reason to live. Keep them coming.”

(audience laughs - Woody pours Norv a beer)

Ted Cottrell: “So, ah, Norv.  I think I’ve, ah, figured out a way to solve our problems on defense.”

Norv:  ”You mean the 99 points we’ve given up in the last 3 weeks?”

Ted:  ”Ah…yeah.”

Norv:  ”What makes you think that’s a problem?”

(audience laughs - Norv downs his beer)

A.J. Smith:  ”Well, Norv, I can certainly appreciate your efforts to bring humor to our current situation, but in all candor, I must confess to be a tad disappointed with our team’s performance to date-”

L.T.:  ”What Mr. Wonderful is eloquently trying to say is that you suck, Norv.”

Norv:  ”Uh, oh.  This sounds serious.  You know what serious times call for, right Woody?”

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