Talking NFL

The Worrell Household, late Sunday evening

Cameron:  (enters front door) “Hi honey, I’m home.”

Mrs. Worrell:  ”Oh, hello dear!  How was your day today?”

Cameron:  ”Actually I’d rather not talk about it.  Do we have any bourbon left?”

Mrs. Worrell:  ”Certainly, dear.  There’s some in the hutch.  Do you want me to get you a glass?”

Cameron:  ”No, the bottle will be just fine.”

Mrs. Worrell:  ”Oh, dear - it sounds like you had a very rough day!”

Cameron:  ”Yes, you could say that.”

Mrs. Worrell:  ”Well, I taped today’s game and I was hoping we could watch it together!”

Cameron:  ”I’d really rather not…”

Mrs. Worrell:  ”Well all right then.  Let’s just watch the condensed highlights on NFL.com instead.”

Cameron:  ”Great.”

Mrs. Worrell:  (watching Donte’ Stallworth catch a pass and approach Cameron) “Oh, look!  There you are!”  (Cameron misses tackle) “Oh, and there you go.  My goodness did that man spin all the way around?”

Cameron:  ”I believe he did, yes.”

Mrs. Worrell:  ”Why that’s just like how they do it on that Madden Video game!  Amazing, I didn’t realize it looked like that in real life, did you?”

Cameron:  ”Unfortunately, on the field it looks even faster than that.”

Mrs. Worrell:  ”Well, you made a very nice try at tackling him, dear!  I’m sure you did better later on in the game!”

Cameron:  (ignores her, downs some bourbon)

Mrs. Worrell:  (watching Randy Moss 35-yard TD catch)  ”Oh, my!”

(pause)

Mrs. Worrell:  ”Is he allowed to do that?”

Cameron:  ”Do what?”

Mrs. Worrell:  ”Jump that much higher than you?  I know those Patriots like to cheat.  Is that man Moss allowed to do that?”

Cameron: (sighs) “Yes, dear.”

Mrs. Worrell:  ”Well that’s simply not fair.  Couldn’t they give you a trampoline or something?”

Cameron:  ”No, dear.  THAT would be cheating.”

Mrs. Worrell:  ”Oh, and for shame on NFL.com!  The don’t need to rub it in by showing the same play twice in a row.”

Cameron:  ”Actually, that’s a different touchdown, dear.”

Mrs. Worrell:  ”Oh, my.  You really did get taken to the woodshed, didn’t you?”

Cameron:  ”What?!”

Mrs. Worrell:  ”Whoops.  Nothing, dear!  Besides, it’s not your fault.  That Tom Brady throws quite a nice pass!”

Cameron:  ”Yes he does, dear.”

Mrs. Worrell:  ”He’s not so bad on the eyes, either.  He can go deep on me anytime!”

Cameron:  ”WHAT?!”

Mrs. Worrell:  ”Oh, nothing dear.  (She watches Wes Welker TD)  Oh, my.  You couldn’t even stop the other white guy?”

Cameron:  ”Can we stop watching this, please?  My head hurts.”

Mrs. Worrell:  ”Why?  Certainly not from tackling anyone, you candy ass.”

Cameron:  ”@#$%*@! WHAT?!”

Mrs. Worrell:  ”Oh, nothing dear.  You know I love you and support you no matter how you do or what your team record is!”

Cameron:  ”…well, thanks dear.”

(pause)

Mrs. Worrell:  ”It’s 0-7 now, right?”

Cameron:  ”Yes, dear.”

Mrs. Worrell:  ”Wow, do you guys suck.”

Cameron:  ”WILL YOU @#$^&* STOP IT!”

Mrs. Worrell:  ”Of course, dear.  I’m sorry.”

(pause)

Mrs. Worrell:  (after watching 2nd Wes Welker TD) “So just how much longer is this season going to last, darling?”

Cameron:  ”Too f-ing long.”  (grabs bottle of bourbon)

(AP Photo: Lynne Sladky)

Miami Dolphins, New England Patriots, Randy Moss, Tom Brady, Wes Welker, Cameron Worrell, domestic bliss