Talking NFL

(l to r: John Tomase, Matt Walsh, Arlen Specter)

Yesterday marked the long awaited meeting between NFL commissioner Roger Goodell and former Patriots employee/knife booby-trap aficionado Matt Walsh. Yet while many people (Jets fans, Tony Dungy, Mark Schlereth) drooled over the possibility that a damning videotape of the Rams walkthrough practice before Super Bowl 36 might surface, the smoking gun was not to be found. But don’t give up hope, Patriot haters: word is they still haven’t checked Marvin Harrison’s house.

Meanwhile, with the equivalent of a five-egg western omelette on their face, the Boston Herald did the only thing they could courageously came forward and “owned up” to their butcher job on Spygate (in the faint hopes that Mr. Kraft doesn’t sue them into extinction). My initial thought was to post part of the apology here, but after reading through some of the comments about the article, publishing some of them instead looks like much more fun!

So here’s a sampling of the reaction from Patriots nation to the anonymous, cookie cutter “mea culpa” offered by the Herald:

- “Worst newspaper ever.”

- “Boston Herald = National Enquirer”

At this point, it appears that over 50% of the commenters are calling for the resignation of one John Tomase. Pro Football Talk brings up a great point that there are two other culprits here; one being Tomase’s editor, the other being his source. Although Tomase hasn’t confirmed anything yet, that source was most likely Matt Walsh. Which of course begs the question; if Walsh lied about having the walkthrough videotape, what else has he lied about? How exactly is he a credible witness?

Anyways, it’s great to finally put this completely overblown story to rest once and for all. And no, I could care less what Arlen “Comcast errand boy” Specter has to say tomorrow, unless he announces that he’s figured out a way to bring our troops home from Iraq, restructure our dreadful energy policy, and keep social security from going bankrupt in 15 years.

Spygate is dead. Long live the Patriots legacy.

Spygate, New England Patriots, Matt Walsh, Boston Herald, vindicated, I’m back bitches

WARNING: The following post has been rated (R) for Revenge. Please do not read if you are easily offended (or a Jets fan).

On Sunday, the New York Jets will visit Gillette Stadium to play the New England Patriots. Take away the Patriots quest for an undefeated season, and the game is nearly meaningless on paper. The Patriots have clinched a 1st round bye, and the Jets have been out of the playoff hunt for quite some time.

We all know, of course, that this game is not so meaningless to Coach Belichick & the Patriots.

Amidst all the bluster over CameraGate, and Part II that came out this week (wait, the Jets did it too?! Stunning…), the number one mitigating fact is this: Bill Belichick gave Eric Mangini his first break in coaching, and Mangini repayed him by turning him in to the NFL authorities.

Ergo, Eric Mangini is a rat. Wait, that’s an insult to your everyday rat; he’s a rat with herpes. A rat with four nipples and a gas problem. A rat with man-boobs that eats too much fried chicken cheese.

He’s Henry Hill minus the charming personality. He’s Colin Sullivan without Matt Damon’s hunky good looks. He’s Commodus with- you know what? He’s EXACTLY like Commodus. If the opportunity had been there to take over as HC of the NEP, you know Mangini would have smothered Robert Kraft with his own man-boobs.

On Sunday, the 70,000+ fans who fill Gillette will transform the stadium into the Roman Colosseum. They will become a blood-thirsty mob; they will cheer for a final score of 1 billion to nothing; they will scream for (and possibly get) the William Wallace treatment for the traitor Mangini.

To further instigate our this fanbase, I have provided a collection of the best quotes related to treachery, revenge and general violence I could think of below the fold. Please contribute your own quotes of vengeance (or personal preferences regarding ManJudas’s fate this Sunday) in the comments below.

Welcome to the 8th circle of hell, Eric. Paybacks a bitch.

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A Jets scandal? That’s Man-boobalicious!

Here’s a stunner: according to NFL.com, Ravens coach Brian Billick accused the New York Jets of using an “illegal” ploy to draw Baltimore offside during Sunday’s game. During his press conference, Coach Billick was extremely tongue & cheek with the following “praise” that he Heaped upon the Jets defense:

“They did an outstanding job. I credit the New York Jets. Their defensive line and linebackers did a very, very effective job of illegally simulating the snap count,” Billick said.

Yeah, yeah I know - it’s not exactly CameraGate. But cheating is cheating, right? Hey, Mussolini, once you’re finished plowing through all those Patriots tapes, do us a favor; take a trip down the NJ Turnpike and commondere a 5th round pick from the J-E-T-S, will you?

Really shocking. I mean, wherever would ManJudas have ever learned such behavior?

Can’t have your cake and eat it too, can you Eric? (Actually, judging by the looks of him, you can…)

New York Jets, Eric Mangini, cheating, CameraGate, karma karma karma karma karma chameleon

Illustration courtesy of NY Daily News

When it comes to the American media (in all forms), there are two areas where it excels; the first is piling on when it comes to a car wreck (see:  Michael Vick, Britney Spears), and the second is some serious preaching after someone (or some team) has royally screwed up.  Both elements have been in full display in the wake of the New England Patriots “CameraGate” incident.  In the aftermath of the surreal escalation of this event during the past week, I decided to take a step back, and read as much coverage as I could (mainstream media, blogs, blog commentary, etc.).  After doing so, I would like to throw my 2 cents into the fray.

(yes, this means I’m just as guilty of piling on & preaching as everyone else.  Hey, it’s what we do, and besides that, it just happens to be my team.  I have to say SOMETHING!)

So here it is, divided into topic sections:

Thoughts on the punishment handed down by Der Führer Roger Goodell:

Do I like the fact that the Patriots are losing a 1st Round draft pick? OF COURSE NOT!  I’m a Patriots fan!  But do I AGREE with the penalty? Sadly, yes.  There’s no getting around it; the Patriots not only broke a rule, but they broke a rule that the NFL reinforced last September with the following memo:

“Video taping of any type, including but not limited to taping of an opponent’s offensive or defensive signals, is prohibited on the sidelines, in the coaches’ booth, in the locker room, or at any other locations accessible to club staff members during the game.”

In addition, they broke the rule against Belichick’s former protege, who certainly knew his old boss’s tactics, and gleefully caught him red-handed.  Bottom line, they cheated and looked pretty dumb doing it.  Not something you’d expect from a head coach with a “genius” reputation.

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