Talking NFL

In a word…yeesh. Media Day during Super Bowl week has essentially morphed throughout the years from a press access day to a freak show to finally an enormous media circus that’s a combination of both. Let’s just get right to the worst best stuff…

- Everyone’s talking about the marriage proposal that Tom Brady received from a Spanish reporter. Naturally, Tom handled the awkward situation with his usual charm and humor:

“I’ve never had a proposal [before].”

Ha-ha. We all know this is approximately proposal #6,946,082 for Tommy Touchdown. Hey Ms. Innez; back of the line for you! That’s right, behind the former Victoria’s Secret model, the B-level goalie puller actress, and every 18-34 year old woman from New England. Gracias!

- I love the way AOL Fanhouse summed up thoughts on the fact that Chad Jackson of the Patriots has a personal stylist named “Peaches”:

“I ask you: Can you imagine any player on Vince Lombardi’s Green Bay Packers, the team that won the first Super Bowl, saying, “I have a personal stylist named Peaches”?“

No…no I cannot!

- By most accounts, the best interview of the day was the Giants Michael Strahan, which shouldn’t be a big surprise with quotes like this:

“I love Tom Brady,” Strahan said. “I’m jealous that I’m not Tom Brady. But I definitely want to hit Tom Brady on Sunday.”

You have to admire the man’s honesty. On all counts.

- ESPN’s Matt Mosley shares this “low blow” dished out by Patriots right tackle Nick Kaczur:

“Turns out not everyone on the Patriots’ offensive line has been able to grow a beard. Right tackle Nick Kaczur, who has more of a bushy goatee, was asked about his two clean-shaven linemates.

“Those guys are still waiting for their balls to drop,” said Kaczur.”

Even better than the quote? The two comments on this post:

winston2322: Why would it matter if a lineman dropped his balls, they are illeligable recievers anyway?

IRISHBOSOX39: *shakes head*

Now that’s comedy!

- Finally, a confession that I briefly toyed with the idea of making the trek from L.A. to Phoenix for the Super Bowl, to cover firsthand Media Day and the Patriots quest for perfection. Well, any regrets I may have had about skipping out on Media Day went out the window after reading this brief report from Deadspin’s Will Leitch, a first-time participant:

“Media Day is a waste of time for everyone, and that doesn’t just mean the players and the media. Even the dope gimmick folks, the lady who wanted to marry Brady, or “The Tonight Show”’s Kelly Pickler (an actual collaboration which tells you all you need to know about both Pickler and “The Tonight Show”), or the mock astrologists (as if there were any other kind), seemed generally bored with their schtick. Everyone felt like they were going through the motions; it’s Media Day … we have to do something CRAZY!

We were so discouraged that we couldn’t even make it through the whole thing. Sorry: Trust us, empty space is more entertaining that what we’d have for you here had we stayed.

Stadium looks great, though.”

Yep. Glad I’m going back home to watch the game with friends instead.

NFL, Super Bowl, Media Day, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing

Care of Boston.com:

The New York Post published a picture today in which Patriots QB Tom Brady looked to be wearing a boot/protective brace over his right foot.

I’m not gonna freak out.
I’m not gonna freak out.
I’m not gonna freak out.
I’m not gonna freak out.

……

Too late, I’m f#@king freaking out!!!

New England Patriots, Tom Brady, there’s a big bear on the road to perfection

I have no idea who NBC’s Andrea Kremer will interview after the Bengals vs Steelers game on Sunday night, but I can wait to watch it! The woman has been on a roll the last two weeks…

In this first video after the Patriots whalopped the Bills 56-10, Andrea gives Tom Brady a look that says just a bit more than “see you next Sunday!”

Hat tip: Zubaz Pants Sports

In her defense, can you blame her?! I’m straighter than the North Pole, but I probably would have started the interview off with, “Tom, you just threw 5 touchdown passes, you’re on pace to shatter the record for most TD passes in a season, and…oh God, I’ve just wet myself…”.

Last week, she had the following interview with Wes Welker cut short by the devious Coach Belichick:

To summarize; Andrea called Wes a dog, then Wes called Andrea a man. I guess they’re even now…

NFL, Andrea Kremer, Tom Brady, interviews, awkwardness

Here’s a couple of videos I found that poke fun at the top two quarterbacks in the NFL. First up, ESPN’s Fitzy holds tryouts for the newest Peyton Manning commercial (because God knows it’s been at least 28 seconds since we’ve seen him on TV…):

As for Dreamboat, we leave it to LOL Jocks to spoof his newest “manly” ad campaign with Stetson:

So what’s today’s lesson, kids? If you make millions promoting crap products that nobody should buy, someone’s bound to pick on you!

(On a completely unrelated note, today’s post was brought to you by Schlitz!)

Peyton Manning, Tom Brady, commercials, audition, I’d sell puke in a sock if they paid me

“No, we can’t run up the score, Peyton.  The game’s over.  Honest.  You can take your helmet off now…”

Make no mistake about it; the Patriots and Colts cannot stand each other, at least from a front office standpoint.  Michael Silver highlighted some of the “gamesmanship” between the two teams in this article last week, and less than 24 hours after the Patriots 24-20 victory in Indianapolis, they’re at it again.  Specifically, the Patriots are lodging a complaint with the NFL regarding some perceived shenanigans at the RCA Dome.

Just after the game, Patriots President Jonathan Kraft asked NFL Vice President of Security Milt Ahlerich to investigate the possibility that the Colts piped in or played additional crowd noise during the game.  In the Patriots defense, they are not the first team to accuse the Colts of this ridiculous sounding violation of league rules.  Having said that, it’s a damn good thing they won the game; otherwise that would sound a lot like whining to many fans…

Earlier today, the internets were all abuzz with this story, especially since you can actually HEAR a weird artificial sound emanating from the crowd at the 2:25 mark of this NFL highlight video.  My initial reaction was to jump in and post an extremely professional headline; something like, “COLTS CHEAT! COLTS CHEAT!  Cough up that 1st Round pick you @#$&-ers!”  (You know, something to rival my mature headlines from the past) Fortunately, I’m learning that sometimes it pays of to wait on a story like this, and see if there’s a reasonable explanation behind it.  

In this case, there is, as Boston.com’s Mike Reiss reports:

Following up on the crowd noise issue in the RCA Dome, NFL spokesman Greg Aiello passes along the following:

“CBS has informed us that the unusual audio moment heard by fans during the Patriots-Colts telecast was the result of tape feedback in the CBS production truck and was isolated to the CBS broadcast. It was in no way related to any sound within the stadium and could not be heard in the stadium.”

So it appears that the Colts fans are simply very good at cheering on their team.  And for you Patriots fans that were storming the Colts fan forums and message boards trumpeting these accusations, well, now might be a good time to change your screen name & avatar.

However, the Colts still have another controversy on their hands.  During a routine search of the stadium grounds during the game, Ahlerich found head referee John Parry’s duffel bag with the following contents and note:

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While many reporters are looking at the Patriots chances of going undefeated (even ringing up members of the ‘72 Dolphins a couple of months early), what should also be examined now is the possibility that Tom Brady could set the single season record for touchdown passes.

After throwing for 3 more scores against the Browns on Sunday, Brady now has 16 over the first 5 games. This means he’s on pace to toss 51 touchdowns for the season, which would best Peyton Manning’s 2004 record of 49 TD passes. Here’s a quick look at the remaining teams the Patriots have to face, and how they currently rank in pass defense (based on yards per game allowed, care of ESPN):

Dallas Cowboys - 15th
Miami Dolphins - 2nd (they play twice)
Washington Redskins - 13th
Indianapolis Colts - 7th
Buffalo Bills - 32nd
Philadelphia Eagles - 17th
Baltimore Ravens - 22nd (Wow!)
Pittsburgh Steelers - 8th
New York Jets - 27th
New York Giants - 14th

It certainly appears that the next 4 weeks will be more difficult than the beginning of this season has been; however, it should be noted that the Dolphins pass defense is ranked highly because teams are finding it much easier to simply run the ball down their throats.

Also, as yesterday’s game showed yet again, Tom has an amazing knack for seeing what the defense is trying to take away from him, and then exploit a different match-up. When he had difficulty getting the ball to Randy Moss, he went to Ben Watson (6 catches, 102 yards, 2 TD’s) and Donte’ Stallworth (4 catches, 65 yards, 1 TD) instead. In addition, his offensive line kept him squeaky clean again, not letting the Browns sack him once (speaking of squeaky clean, here’s a site that’s much cleaner that this filthy one…).

So could Brady pull it off? Hey, the way the Patriots are playing right now, anything’s possible…

Tom Brady, New England Patriots, Peyton Manning, touchdown passes in a season, record

Yes, I know; this debate is absolutely ridiculous. But you know what? It’s FUN, dammit! When most football fans aren’t arguing about who’s team is better, or whose better at fantasy football, they’re making completely subjective comparisons between great players that play the same position - like these two wonderboys.

Besides, today’s alternatives are to talk about the benching of Sexy Rex Grossman, make some horrible predictions for Week 3, or just rant and rave about the writer over at AOL NFL Fanhouse that makes me gnash my teeth in rage. Boring, been done, and nobody cares (in that order). So let’s reopen this can o’ worms and have some fun!

When we last left the Brady/Manning cunundrum, Manning backers and Colts fans were joyous with glee. For the one taunt that had previously stumped them, the “he can’t win the big one!” argument, went up in a cloud of smoke when Peyton hoisted the Lombardi trophy after Super Bowl XLI. He had led the Colts to glory in comanding fashion with 3 postseason TD’s, 7 INT’s and a QB rating of 69.8, a full 31.2 points lower than his ghfklihouriopewhbhhuiwgy7hvxxxx- (ugh. Just once I’d like to be able to write that without having a seizure…). Point being, the Colts were the champs & he had his ring, end of story.

With that, some writers wanted to end the debate and crown Manning the champion. However, Brady backers had one last move to make; to play the “Brady’s never had the weapons that Manning’s had!” card. Three games into the ‘07 season, that card looks to be an Ace.

With Moss, Welker, and Stallworth catching his passes instead of guys like Fred Coleman, Bethel Johnson, and Featherstone from Necessary Roughness, here are Brady’s ‘07 numbers to date, compared to Manning’s:

Brady:  70 CMP 88 ATT 887 YDS 79.5% 10 TD 1 INT 141.8 RAT
Manning:  66 CMP 101 ATT 873 YDS 65.3% 5 TD 1 INT 104.9 RAT

On their own, Manning’s numbers are extremely impressive in their own right. Which makes what Brady’s done so far that much more ridiculous. As it’s been pointed out by other writers, Brady is currently on course to put up 53 TD passes.

Now, besides the “dude, it’s WAYYYY to early to be talking this way!” argument (I know, I know - hey, we’re having fun, remember?), you could also argue that Tommy Terrific’s Targets this year are BETTER than those of Peyton’s. With back-up targets like Maroney, Gaffney, Watson, and Faulk, he may hold a slight advantage over the likes of Addai, Clark, Gonzalez and Utecht.

So perhaps a better comparison would be to take a look at Manning’s numbers through the first 3 games of the ‘04 season, when he had arguably his best compliment of weapons (Harrison in his prime, Wayne just emerging, Stokley as the #3 guy, and the Edge out of the backfield), and compare them to Brady’s first 3 outings this season:

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Hello, ladies!  Gisele, before you call the police, let me just say that I did get the court order yesterday.  I don’t know what happened to the other 14 you sent, but the message has been received, loud and clear.  500 yards - no problemo. That’s why I bought a telescope.

Anyways, I believe some congrats are in order for Ms. Moynahan!  Glad to see you passed that sperm whale gave birth to a healthy baby Brady this week.  And a boy, no less!  Rumor has it Scott Pioli has all ready signed Touchdown Jesus Junior to a $140 million dollar contract that locks him up from 2028-2035.

As for you Gisele, well I was very upset to hear that you left Victoria’s Secret.  Then again, I certainly don’t blame you.  Imagine only getting paid $5 million a year to run around in your underwear - I mean really!

Well, enough chit-chat.  Ladies, you are receiving this memo on behalf of Patriots fans everywhere.  As you probably could care less about know, the football season is nearly upon us.  Which means it’s time for Tom Terrific to start making the donuts.

More importantly, it’s time for you crazy b!tches to leave him the f alone.

I’m not joking here; this is completely serious.  You’re both high profile, high income female celebrities.  Which means you’re also both high maintenance and highly freaking insane.  And we’re terrified that you’re starting to mess with our wonderboy QB’s head.

I don’t want to hear about any more crap like this happening again until February 5th, 2008.  You got me, you nutjobs?

Here, for your convenience, I’ve even put together a list of what is and is not acceptable correspondence/contact with #12 for the next 5 1/2 months:

Allowed:

- Supportive text messages regarding the upcoming game no longer than 20 characters (ex. “Good luck, Tomy!  UR #1!”)
- Phone conversations on Tuesday or Wednesday of 10 minutes or less between 9am - 5pm EST
- One date per month, but the conversation must include a comprehensive quiz about the team defense the Patriots are facing that Sunday.

NOT Allowed:

- Angry late night calls asking for an explanation why he “knocked up that no-talent b!tch”, or “choose DiCaprio’s sloppy 2nds over you.”
- Psycho emails/text messages/letters/smoke signals of any kind
- Sex (WOMEN WEAKEN LEGS, and we don’t want another mid-season rugrat drama unfolding)
- Any baby time (seriously, is Brady lactating?  No, so what the hell good is he to a newborn?  Keep that pooping machine away from him…)

Again, this is COMPLETELY SERIOUS.  The Patriots are poised for their 4th title in 7 years, and NFL immortality.  You 2 are the hideous sirens on the rocks wailing incessant cries of, “pay attention to ME!” until Brady heads right for you and inadvertently turns the HMS Patriot into the Titanic sequel.

Think I sound paranoid?  Look, New Englanders have been here before, man.  We know exactly what can happen when a promising young man gets seduced by a wildly overrated celebrity…

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Tom Brady is known throughout the league for being very nimble on his feet, with the ability to get himself out of trouble. We’re about to find out if those skills translate off the field…

Earlier today, Liz Smith of the NY Post broke the story that Brady’s former girlfriend Bridget Moynahan is pregnant, and Tom is the father. This according to Bridget’s spokeswoman, Christina Padadopoulos, who also says Brady’s former love interest is over three months pregnant.

You can bet that Gisele Bundchen is breaking out the calculator to figure out the math on that one. If the numbers don’t add up, Brady’s going to wish he was back on the field getting slammed around by Jason Taylor instead…

My only concern from a football standpoint is that this little soap opera get taken care of prior to mini-camp. Brady needs to focus on remembering how to beat the Colts, not spend his time taking paternity tests. After this experience, perhaps he might want to visit this site, and take a few notes.

As for Ms. Moynahan, let’s see; 36 years old & biological clock ticking? Check. Acting career starting to fizzle out? Last I heard, she was making out in a movie with Heather Graham. BIG Check. Probably not taking the news about Gisele too well? You think? Check.

Diagnosis, doctor? Never EVER EVER date an insecure actress (as Col. Jessep would say about grave danger - “is there another kind?”). She is going to find a way to wreck your life if you screw her over. (This, of course, doesn’t apply to MY little Hollywood starlet…love ya, babe!)