Falcons Owner Arthur Blank Releases Statement on Vick
…with PR-free translation in bold.
“We know you’re anxious to hear more from us regarding the indictment of Michael Vick and its implications to the Falcons.”
Personally, I’d rather have an enema with Texas Pete hot sauce administered by a nurse name Butch than talk about this train wreck…
“Please be assured that we are working diligently on exploring our options and getting the right people involved in this situation.”
I have 500 lawyers plowing through Vick’s contract as we speak. If there’s a way for us to get out of it, we’re gonna f–king find it.
“This is an emotionally charged and complicated matter. There are a wide range of interests and legal issues that need to be carefully considered as we move ahead, including our need to respect the due process that Michael is entitled to.”
Did I mention that contract was for $130 million? Did I mention I would have been better off spending it on hookers and cake? I’d like to sic the dogs on him. Wait–
“Given the differing perspectives and strong feelings around this issue, we probably won’t make everyone happy; we are committed to doing the right thing. As the owner of this club that’s ultimately my responsibility.”
We’re screwed no matter what we do.
“In the meantime, know that I’m saddened and distressed about this not for myself, but for our fans and community who have been so loyal to us. We will do our very best to earn your support.”
And on that note, may I present your new starting quarterback for the Atlanta Falcons, Joey Harrington! (No, season ticket holders may not get a refund. How’s that for sadness and distress?)
Arthur Blank, Michael Vick, cutting through the BS
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