Talking NFL

Now that I’ve purged myself of all the cold, black hatred that I have towards the “Money Grubbing, Teammate Back-Stabbing, Dan Marino-ish, Happy Feeted, Whining Like a Baby” quarterback of the Indianapolis Colts, it’s time for me to finally conclude my “I Hate Peyton Manning” diatribe.

Which, for those of you still reading, I’m sure comes as a huge relief. By this point, even Patriot fans are saying, “OK, we get it - you don’t like Peyton Manning. Is there a point to all this?”

Why yes there is, ‘constant reader’! But first, let me respond with a question of my own, that being, “do I really hate Peyton Manning THAT much?” No, not really. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not looking for an invite to the annual family Super Bowl party that he’ll be hosting, but I certainly don’t obsess over him in a Glenn Close “Fatal Attraction” kind of way (which, I admit, might have been the impression I gave earlier this week…).

In fact, as Dennis D pointed out - I should in fact LOVE Peyton Manning. He should have won a Best Supporting Actor in a Documentary Award for his performances in all three Patriots Super Bowl DVD’s. That look of exasperation! Notice how his entire body sags after he loses the game - that’s fantastic work! We couldn’t have done it without him!

So if it’s not Peyton, then what it is that really twists my panties in a knot? That’s easy - it’s all the sports media personalities and ‘experts’ that continue to love, praise and (dare I say) ‘Glorify’ him, despite the fact that he has yet to win anything. And by anything, I mean not even an AFC Championship. But he’s got another chance this weekend, and here’s a short list of all the ‘experts’ that are in Peyton’s (oops, sorry - I forgot how much he hates that) - I mean, the Colts corner:

From ESPN:

Len Pasquarelli
Mark Schlereth
John Clayton
Sean Salisbury
Ron Jaworski
Chris Mortensen
Mike Ditka (who may or may not have been drunk on ‘PTI’ Wednesday)

From Inside the NFL on HBO:

Cris Carter
Dan Marino (makes sense - it’s like he’s cheering for himself)

Each one has a variety of reasons why they’re picking the Colts (much improved run defense, especially from just a month ago, a better ball-control offense, and the best clutch kicker in NFL history). But the important thing is that either by stating it outright, or just by making this pick, these guys are telling us that they are confident Peyton Manning is going to come through in the clutch.

To which I say, “I hate you, you (bleeping) morons.”

Have these guys been watching the same playoff games as I have? Have they actually watched Peyton play in the clutch? I know I have, and it’s a lot like watching the first few episodes of American Idol (decent on occasion, but usually horrific).

Fortunately, there’s one expert that’s been paying attention, and you need to know about him. That story coming at noon (and that will be the end of the Manning stuff. Really, I swear…)