Marv Levy Steps Down as GM of the Bills
Another Talking NFL exclusive (a.k.a. - completely fabricated farcical piece)! Below is the full transcript of 81-year old Marv Levy’s press conference held today at Ralph Wilson Stadium, complete with commentary from 89-year old Buffalo Bills owner Ralph Wilson Jr.:
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Marv Levy: “Ladies and gentlemen, today is a very tough day for me as I announce my resignation as General Manager of the Buffalo Bills. But it with a great sense of pride that I look back at my 22 years of consecutive service with this organization and all the great things we have accomplished.”
Reporter: “You were actually retired for 8 years there before you came back, sir.”
Marv Levy: “Was I? I thought that was just a two-week vacation at Palm Beach.”
Ralph Wilson Jr.: “It’s too damn cold in here!”
Marv Levy: “Anyways, I will always treasure the memories of our two Super Bowl wins-”
Reporter: “You didn’t win a Super Bowl, sir.”
Marv Levy: “That’s right! Those gosh darn 49ers played us so tough…”
Reporter: “You never played the 49ers in a Super Bowl, sir.”
Ralph Wilson Jr.: “Where did my teeth go?!”
Marv Levy: “I’d also like to thank all the great players that I coached here: Jim Kelly, Thurman Thomas, Jim Thorpe, Knute Rockne-”
Reporter: “Sir-”
Marv Levy: “This is my press conference, you insolent little punk, and I’ll say whatever the hell I want to!”
Ralph Wilson Jr.: “He’s a witch! Burn him!!”
Marv Levy: “Finally, I’d like to complement the league on such wonderful modern day innovations such as the forward pass, the protective cup, and Gatorade.”
(a sound resembling someone blowing on a french horn with a ferret stuck in it emanates from Ralph Wilson’s chair)
Ralph Wilson Jr.: “Please excuse me. I appear to have soiled myself.” (leaves)
Marv Levy: “I should be going as well. I’d like to go home and catch the new Matlock!”
Buffalo Bills, Marv Levy, old people are fun, I won’t make it to 70 let alone 80
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