Talking NFL

As bad as things have been for the Falcons the last few days, they still come a distant second to the Dolphins for worst NFL season of the year. (You want a tough job? Try being in charge of putting together their team highlight real at NFL Films…)

Not only are the Dolphins 0-13, but they seem to be getting progressively WORSE. In their first 11 games, the Dolphins lost 6 of them by only three points. But they’ve lost their last two games by a combined score of 78-30. After coughing up the football a unbelievable eight times against the Bills on Sunday, Dolphins left tackle Vernon Carey said, “We’re playing like a (expletive) high school team.” Sorry, Vernon, but Dillion High takes offense to that remark.

In the Fins defense, they’ve had some crippling injuries to deal with.

They lost their one stud on offensive, running back Ronnie Brown, to a torn ACL. The Trent Green experiment lasted less than five games. The much anticipated morbidly fascinating Ricky Williams comeback came and went like a fart in the wind; he lasted all of 6 carries before he was stepped on and lost for the year as well. Pro Bowler Zach Thomas was gone after playing just five games due to migraines (the fact that he remains 4th on the team in tackles shows you just how bad the situation is on defense).

Yet all the injuries still don’t account for just how dysfunctional this team looks on the field. It’s Cam Cameron’s first year as head coach, but it might also be his last. FOX Sports reported on Monday that there may be a mutiny brewing in Miami. According to John Czarnecki, Jason Taylor may give team management an ultimatum at the end of the season; either get rid of Cameron, or get rid of me. (Update: According to Pro Football Weekly, an off-season trade involving Taylor is very likely. Hmmmm…wouldn’t he look good in a Patriots uniform?)

As if this weren’t enough, Dolphins fans have had the added pleasure of having to deal with the Patriots march to an undefeated season. And what has all this attention brought with it? That’s right! A media spotlight on all those fossils from the undefeated ‘72 Dolphins! Warm and fuzzy characters like cocaine trafficker former running back Mercury Morris, who likes to bring his own record book with him to ESPN Studio discussions about the Patriots:

(By the way, according to the record book Mercury Morris is holding, he had 10 carries for 34 yards and no TD’s in Super Bowl VII. That kinda sucks, spin or no spin…)

So is there light at the end of the tunnel for hapless Dolphins fans like Matty over at The Phinsider (who recently said, “most Dolphin fans are left to wonder when this team will hit rock bottom. I say that because just when you think they’ve hit rock bottom, things get even worse.”)?

Why yes there is. In the form of the plummeting Baltimore Ravens.

After playing their hearts out but falling apart at the end of their 27-24 loss to the Patriots two weeks ago, the Ravens collectively slapped a 1st class stamp on their “effort” against the Colts, who put up 30 points in the first 18 minutes of their 44-20 blowout win. If the Ravens decide not to show up again this week in South Florida, then the Fins may have a decent shot of pulling off their first win of the season.

If not, they can try again in Week 16 against the Patriots. Hey, as bad at that match-up may look, they have just as good a chance to upset New England as anyone else.*

* - they have no chance

Miami Dolphins, winless, Cam Cameron, Jason Taylor, misery, historic ineptitude, this is how you should use an asterisk Coach Shula