Talking NFL

So I had a draft preview fall through at the last minute, and I’m just too crestfallen by the loss of Todd Sauerbrun to write anything.

So you know what that means, kids…some cheerleading audition pics. I know…I’m sorry; it won’t happen again, I promise (for another week, at least…).

Goddammit, how’d Dreamboat get in there?! Man, I hate it when my girlfriend figures out my password…

(pics from The Professional Cheerleader Blog, WireImage, and my own personal stash)

NFL, cheerleaders, auditions, seriously, what’s up with the goat?

I realize now that I should have posted the Jets classic when I started this gimmick, since by now it’s been passed around the internet more frequently than Paris Hilton at an all night rave. However, it’s just too good to pass up, so here’s the infamous ‘Worst Moments in NY Jets Draft History’ video.

Also, it’s worth noting that most sports bloggers, including myself, just love ripping on ESPN whenever we have the chance. But since they were the ones to compile this video, you have to give them props here. Will all due respect to Manning’s SNL United Way sketch, THIS is an instant classic:

Oh, the humanity! The anguish! (the hair, the mustaches…)

As an extra added bonus (yours FREE of charge! Much like this whole site!!), here’s a player audition video that was actually sent to the Carolina Panthers. Lucky for us, the intern responsible for handling such material found it hysterical & posted it on the internet for our amusement.

My favorite parts are the shanked punt at the :35 mark, and the shining star effect at the :45 second mark. Oh, and that fake punt? I mean, flashbacks of Barry Sanders right there.

(Make sure Millen doesn’t see this clip, he’ll blow a 5th round pick on the guy)

YouTube, NFL, NY Jets, Draft Blunders, Punter, would you draft this guy?

Wrong.

“Tennessee Titans quarterback [Vince Young] has been told he’ll appear on the cover of Madden ‘08.” (from USA Today)

“Young’s agent, Major Adams, said they didn’t believe in jinxes.”

Yeah, but do they believe in curses? Because the Madden Curse is no run of the mill sign of bad luck, such as opening an umbrella indoors. It’s like, wicked powerful, and so real it’s not even funny.

Don’t think so? Try telling that to Chargers fans, who will be partying like rock stars tonight.

As Jim Wyatt pointed out, Vince has all ready broken the infamous SI cover jinx, so perhaps his superhuman powers extend beyond the football field. But in case they don’t, here are some suggestions for Titans fans to help protect their Franchise player this year:

- Pour 10 lb. bag of salt over shoulder
- Empty out 401k, convert into pennies, toss into wishing well
- Knock on wood (bang on wood, sport some wood; whatever works)
- Pull a Tanya Harding on Peyton Manning

(ok, that last one won’t help Vince, you’re right. Scratch that.)

Vince Young, Madden Cover, EA Sports, Madden Curse, black cat, broken mirror, Christening of The Flying WASP

Yesterday’s tragedy at Virginia Tech was a completely senseless act of violence.  One that leaves people who are hundreds of miles away feeling helpless and angry.  For those who work or are enrolled at the school, it’s a brutal reminder that horrific acts like this can happen anywhere at anytime.  Even Blacksburg, Virginia, which seems impossible to someone like me who has been there before…

About 12 years ago, I got a job working as an Education and Leadership Consultant for the Sigma Alpha Epsilon Fraternity (and yes, there is such a job, and it was a glorious one at that).  For two years, I traveled to over 40 different SAE chapters (mostly in the Mid-Atlantic).  During each visit, I gave advice to fraternity brothers on rushing prospective members, pledge education, risk management, and finances (and I may have had a beer or two along the way…).

Without a doubt, Virginia Tech was one of my favorite places to visit.  Part of it was because of the natural beauty of the campus, located in the gorgeous Blue Ridge Mountains.  Another part was the quiet small town feel, despite having such a large & prestigious university square in the middle of it (think Northwestern in South Park).

Being a football fan, it was also great to watch the Hokies football program as it emerged as a national power under Coach Frank Beamer.  I was there to witness their historic 13-7 victory over Miami in ‘95, the first time they had ever beaten the Hurricanes (they would go on to win their first Big East Championship that year).  I watched the students pour into the stadium in a sea of joy and tear down the goal posts; much to the chagrin of the campus police. It’s one of my most vivid memories of Virginia Tech.

But what I remember most about Virginia Tech are the people.

From Dr. Tom Goodale, the former Vice President for Student Affairs, to the SAE chapter president, I’ve never met more accommodating or more gracious hosts.  They had tremendous pride in their school and their fraternity, and went out of their way to show me everything their town had to offer.  From Burruss Hall to Sharkey’s.  I tailgated with them, helped with a community service street clean-up, and watched Super Bowl 29 with them (well, up until the 49ers’ 5th touchdown; then I just drank with them).  Never once was I made to feel like an outsider.

I feel like one now, and it’s a sad, frustrating feeling.  Knowing that such good people are going through such pain, and for what?  Why?

Among those suffering is one of 451 Press’s own.  1P Start writer Kezins lost a good friend yesterday, and there’s no question that he’s hurting now.  Please stop on by & let him know you’re thinking of him if you have a chance.

I don’t really have much else to say.  Better men than me will write more eloquently about this day and those we lost.  Just know that there are some very good people down in Blacksburg, and the suffering they are experiencing now simply isn’t fair.  Our hearts go out to all of you after this terrible tragedy.  Stay strong, Hokies. 

Our Patriots draft preview is brought to us by Dennis D. Dennis does not write for a blog or a fan website. In fact, he has absolutely no writing qualifications whatsoever. However, he is (in his own words) my #1 fan. The Kathy Bates to my James Caan in Misery, so to speak.

And since I’d rather not have my left ankle turned into a bowl of applesauce, I turn the floor over to Dennis without any further hesitation…

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After 14 years of quarterbacking the Patriots, Bills and Cowboys, Drew Bledsoe decided to call it quits this week. Of course, by now you’ve seen or read one of the 12,832 articles regarding his announcement, plowed through his career stats, and listened to both sides of the much debated argument on whether or not he qualifies for the Hall of Fame.

I won’t rehash all that stuff, I just want to ask one question: how will you remember him?

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Our next draft preview is for the San Diego Chargers, and how could I NOT give this assignment to someone from the Glorify the Past website? Back in January, when we had our little skirmish, it was an eloquent comment by desertboltfan (a.k.a. Todd Cantrell - hey, someone brave enough to use their real name!) that paved the way to peace in our time (or at least between our sites).  Todd has been gracious enough to put together a preview for TalkingNFL, so I respectfully give the floor to the G.T.P. faithful for the day.

(Note to Schrutebag if you’re reading, although I’m sure you’re not:  this is the way opponents should apologize and shake hands after a fight; not that half-assed attempt you made to The Big Lead on the air Monday.  We all know you only did it because your handlers told you to, and the public opinion of you & your act will continue to look like this for the duration of your tenure with the W.W.L..  Once a Schrutebag, always at Schrutebag…)

Sorry for the rant tangent - on with the Chargers preview!

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If you’re not sure about all the hype that goes with this potential #1 pick, then just check out this clip of the former LSU quarterback playing against Ole Miss:

(Tracey, if you’re reading this, better get that cold shower ready…)

Don’t concern yourself with his decision to throw the ball into double coverage (keep in mind they were down by 13 late in the 3rd quarter). Focus more on the pure athletic ability, and how he casually slings the rock over 50 yards.

I mean, if Chad Pennington tried that, his arm would fly off.

YouTube, NFL Draft, JaMarcus Russell, norman humans can’t do that

Neither the Cincinnati Bengals nor the Tennessee Titans have had a pleasant off-season to date. Well, looking on the bright side, at least they’ll both be saving some cash this season…

NFL.com is reporting that Commissioner Roger Goodell has informed Adam Jones of the Tennessee Titans and Chris Henry of the Cincinnati Bengals that they have been suspended without pay. Chris Henry was suspended for the first eight games, while Pacman gets to take the entire year off (insert your own, ‘gonna be tough to make it rain now’ joke here…).

The Commish did not leave room for misunderstanding in his letter to each player, either:

“Your conduct has brought embarrassment and ridicule upon yourself, your club, and the NFL, and has damaged the reputation of players throughout the league. You have put in jeopardy an otherwise promising NFL career, and have risked both your own safety and the safety of others through your off-field actions. In each of these respects, you have engaged in conduct detrimental to the NFL and failed to live up to the standards expected of NFL players. Taken as a whole, this conduct warrants significant sanction.”

He concluded with, “bad player! That’s a VERY - VERY - BAD player!!”

Obviously, something needed to be done here. The level of violence, arrests, and cross-dressing incidents by league players has reached an apex this off-season, and with these suspensions, Mr. Goodell sends his message loud and clear.

However, one counter-point. In the rush to yell, “serves them right!” and “this type of behavior is completely uncalled for,” let’s take a moment and realize that the NFL is filled with players that perform violently on the field of play, and that some of them are going to have trouble finding the ‘on/off’ switch in every day life. I’m not condoning either player’s behavior, but let’s not act all shocked when a football player gets arrested. This type of thing has been going on for quite sometime in the National Football League - it’s the ugly underbelly nobody likes to talk about.

More importantly, let’s hope Jones and Henry don’t use this spare time to go after each other a la 2Pac and Biggie Smalls. That would be bad.

Hopefully, they use this time constructively & try turning themselves around. Hey, it’s never to late…

Just over 20 years ago, one player physically assaulted an opposing team’s General Manager in the head after a playoff game. Know where he is now?

General Manager of the Detroit Lions.

That could be you someday, Pacman! (Oh, like he’d be any worse…)

NFL, Roger Goodell, Suspension, Travis Henry, Pacman Jones, the hammer falls

We’re going back to the 2005 draft, with the New England Patriots selecting 32nd at the end of the first round. Since they’ve just won their 3rd Super Bowl in 4 years, the ESPN analysts are falling (and stuttering) over themselves praising the genius of Belichick & Co. (and rightfully so…)

And who do the Pats take in the first round? Logan Mankins, an offensive guard from Fresno State that hardly anyone had going in the 2nd round, let alone the 1st.

The clip is worth it for the 5+ seconds of stunned silence that immediately follows the pick. Not willing to take the Patriots juggernaut to task, leave it to the Cowhide Connoisseur to sum up the pick with his own brand of eloquence and panache:

“You’re with me, master of the obvious.”

YouTube, NFL Draft, New England Patriots, 2005, Chris Berman, Poet Laureate

Our Lions draft preview is brought to use by the honorable Judge Smails; Root Administrator for the Lions-fans.com web forum.  The Judge enjoys German beer, stinky cheese, spicy beef jerky, and former Catholic school girls (though not necessarily in that order…).

He also unearthed a great fact from a past Lions draft that I had never heard before, involving the New England Patriots. So crack open a Fresca, and enjoy!

It’s your honor, your honor (heh, heh…)

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As most of you know, I almost never post on the weekends. The weekend is a time for rest and relaxation (or hookers and cake, depending on the mood). However, there’s been a battle raging between mainstream media and the blogosphere over the last few days that I just had to chime in on…

You’ve probably heard about it by now. The storm of controversy concerns ESPN radio host Colin Cowherd, who on Thursday morning encouraged all his listeners to visit the sports blog The Big Lead at the same time. This effectively blew up The Big Lead (a very good blog, by the way - not like this piece o crap), and kept the site out of commission for over a day.

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Our first TalkingNFL team preview has been written by the lovely Ms. Tracey! Tracey is a fellow 451press blogger, and a damn good one at that. Her Beauty website, Hot or Not Beauty is one of the Top 10 visited sites in the 451press network. She’s also the writer for the Shopping website Shoe Boxers. These are both great sites for you to forward to your wife/girlfriend when they start yelling at you for spending too much time reading TalkingNFL…

(Yep, right off the bat I’m turning the site over to a lady. Why? Because I’m all about equal rights and women who love football. Besides that, as you all know, chicks dig me…)

Without further ado, Tracey’s thoughts on the Oakland Raiders, who have the #1 pick in the draft…

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I was all set to get everyone caught up on the latest news, like Roger Goodell cracking down on bad player behavior, and Asante Samuel pulling a Lance Briggs. But instead, constant reader, I’ve decided to bring you links to the latest pictures and videos of the first round of NFL Cheerleader auditions.

Why? Because I love you all, dammit - that’s why!

New England Patriots

San Diego Chargers (best looking one in the group is #21 in the slideshow. How appropriate…)

Denver Broncos

San Franciso 49ers

Arizona Cardinals (scroll down for video)

Best of luck to you all, ladies. For those that get cut, I’m available for counseling (among other services).

NFL Cheerleaders, Auditions, rope, gym class

First, a hearty thank you to those who emailed me a submission for the TalkingNFL Draft Preview Contest. I’ve gotten some inspired stuff all ready (the first preview will run on Friday), and hope to receive many more entries before the April 13th deadline. Please send your team preview to talkingnfl@hotmail.com

The following teams are officially spoken for:

- Oakland Raiders
- Detroit Lions
- New England Patriots
- New York Jets
- San Diego Super Chargers

(By the way, I’ve pulled a complete 360 on the Super Chargers song - as TheFranchise commented when I originally ripped it, “it’s so bad it’s good!”)

So if you’re a fan of any other team, get those entries in to make sure you’re team gets a write-up, and give yourself a chance at the grand prize! A brand new…uh…well…I still don’t know what it is yet. I think I’ve got an old OJ Simpson autographed football lying around somewhere. Anyways, good luck!

(Oh, and if you’re more concerned about the tax deadline than writing a slapstick draft preview for a $2.99 website, then I’ve got one question; what the hell is wrong with you? Get your priorities straight and write me a preview, bitch.)

NFL Draft Preview, Contest, Update