Talking NFL

As you’ve no doubt heard by now, Mr. Wonderful himself is hosting SNL tomorrow night.  Yours truly, of course, will be watching closely, praying that he completely f&*ks it up…

OK, as you all know, #18 isn’t exactly on my Christmas card list.  However, in light of the fact that Peyton finished this past season as a choke artist.  Don’t give me any other BS, he sucked in the playoffs!  The running game & defense carried his ass & you all know it!  I still hate you, Peyton!  DEAR GOD DO I STILL F#$KING HATE YOU!!! a true champion and the Super Bowl MVP, I’ve decided to soften my stance and wish him good luck on Saturday.

(Wait, isn’t that bad luck for actors?  Oops.  Wasn’t I supposed to say “break a leg” instead?  Golly, I hope that doesn’t come back to bite him in the ass…it’d be terrible if Andy Samberg accidentally kicked him in the nuts or something…)

In all seriousness, this could be a complete disaster in the making.  Consider:

- SNL isn’t must-see-TV these days.  In fact, it’s sucked since Will Ferrell left five years ago.  I tried watching last week’s episode with Julia Louis-Dreyfus and didn’t make it past the third skit.  When you can’t get a good laugh on a piece called “Restless Penis Syndrome”, you’ve got issues, man.

- Peyton Manning:  LIVE.  Sure, he’s great in those ads, like the one below.  But that’s easy - multiple takes, script reminders in-between.  It’s like a game against the Texans.  This is the big show; the playoffs; crunchtime, and we all know how Peyton’s sphincter flares up when the red light goes on.  (Prediction for number of times we see the ‘Peyton Manning face’? 486.)

Editor’s Note:  ’The Peyton Manning Face’ is a registered trademark of Bill Simmons and ESPN.com.  We apologize in advance for using it.  Please for the love of god don’t sue.

- Tom Brady didn’t exactly light it up.  Tom Terrific’s appearance two years ago was somewhere between uncomfortable and painful.  The Falafel City ad was funny, but most of the other skits were not, and then there was that shot of Tom in his BVD’s.  UGh.

(the only sight worse than that?  Rachel Dratch’s meat filled legs…AAAH!)

Point being, the show has only gotten worse in the last 2 seasons, and if they dressed down Tom to his underwear, imagine what’ll happen to poor Peyton.  Fig leaf, anyone?

So I’ll be sure to post a completely unbiased review grade here first thing Monday morning.  (I swear.  Just 20 points off the bat because it’s Peyton.  That’s it.)

“Good luck on SNL, Peyton.  You’ll need it.  Because I still hate you, that’s why.”

Peyton Manning, SNL, Titanic