Talking NFL

Having your team start the NFL season 0-2 is no reason to panic.  Last year, the Chiefs started 0-2 and still made the playoffs.  Twice in their history, the Patriots started 0-2 and made the Super Bowl.  So 0-2 is no big deal.

0-3 on the other hand, is Chicken Little time.  Since 1993, only two teams — the Buffalo Bills in ‘98 and the Detroit Lions in ‘95 — started the season with three straight losses and made it to the postseason (source: Football Outsiders).  So if you’re a fan of one of the following teams…well, as Don Cheadle said in Traffic, “you’re not just f**ked, you’re F**KED!”

(1) Buffalo Bills

Surprise factor?  Pretty big, considering they seemed headed in the right direction with a group of good, young talent.

What went wrong?  In a word, injuries.  Beginning with that horrible spine injury to Kevin Everett (who, on more positive news, moved his arm this weekend), and culminating this weekend with a season ending injury to rookie linebacker Paul Posluszny.  In between, there’s been a ton of others.

Any silver lining?  With Losman among the injured, it looks like the Trent Edwards era will begin.  Sure it will be a trial by fire, but since J.P. Losman showed no progress in the first couple of games, it’s time to see what the rookie QB can do.  Who knows, maybe he’ll actually complete a pass to one Lee Evans, who was last seen on the back of a milk carton (and riding many a fantasy football team bench…).

(2) Miami Dolphins

Surprise factor?  Outside of South Florida: 0.0

What went wrong?  Besides Saban fleeing in the night, the anemic looking offense, horrible special teams, Jason Taylor and Joey Porter combining for 1 sack and the rest of the defense giving up 84 points in 3 games?  Nothing - everything’s just freaking dandy.

Any silver lining?  Hey, the Patriots still have to play them twice! WOOHOO!!  I was going to say, “well at least the weather’s good”, and then I checked out the forecast.  Just stay away from sharp objects there, Fins fans.

(3) St. Louis Rams

Surprise factor?  Big Time!  What happened to the greatest show on Turf 2.0?!

What went wrong?  Answer:  losing Orlando Pace in Week 1 was a huge blow to both the team and Marc Bulger’s confidence in the pocket.  Turnovers (8 so far) have also hurt.  But the most damning stat of all:

51-9

That’s how badly Rams opponents have outscored them in the 2nd half.  Ohhhhh, Coach Linehan?  Some half-time adjustments might be nice…

Any silver lining?  Well, they’ve been playing hurt (and unfortunately will lose Stephen Jackson for at least next week), so hopefully they’ll get healthy again.  Hey, and those games against Atlanta and New Orleans certainly don’t look so tough now.  Speaking of which…

(4) Atlanta Falcons

Step off, Vick!

Surprise factor?  Sure, if you live in a cave.

What went wrong?  I’d rather explain how that Jamaican prostitute and 50 lb. bag of cocaine got in the trunk of my car that rehash that whole story.

(”and funny you should ask, officer! You see, what happened was, there was this grizzly bear, right? And…”)

Any silver lining?  Absolutely.  This season has gone to the dogs & no QB they sign off of the street is going to help.  Let the Brian Brohm sweepstakes begin!

(5) New Orleans Saints

Surprise factor?  Stun factor is more like it.  Wha happened?

What went wrong?  Drew Brees has looked terrible, throwing 7 picks and just 1 TD.  In his defense, the offensive line as of late has resembled a revolving door, giving him no time to get off a good throw.  And that secondary…let’s just say I was thinking of putting a picture of burnt toast here, but that’s all ready been done roughly 800 times on these here intrawebs.

Any silver lining?  Not after this news.

Hey, it’s not over until it’s over.  But for these teams, most likely, it’s pretty darn close.

NFL, 0-3, Buffalo Bills, Miami Dolphins, St. Louis Rams, Atlanta Falcons, New Orleans Saints, panic button