Ron Jaworski is Amused by Your Complete Lack of Football Knowledge
No hating here today at TalkingNFL. If you swung by looking to stomp on the grave of one Joe Theismann, you’ve come to the wrong place. Rest assured, there are plenty of other places where you can go.
No gentle reader, today we are hear to heap praise upon one Ron Jaworski, aka Jaws, aka The Savior of Monday Night Football. Rejoice and be glad; the chosen one has arrived.
For the last 20 years, we’ve endured the not-so-colorful commentary of Boomer Esiason, Dan Dierdorf, the Dennis Miller Experiment, and John Madden’s mutated eyebrows, just to name a few. Sometimes good, sometimes bad, we never got what we really wanted, which was simply a coherent guy who played some ball and new his stuff.
Well we’re not getting that now. Screw that. We’re getting the Cleaner. The Wolf. The T1000. The best. Jaws is here to do two things, talk football and chew bubble gum; and he’s all out of bubble gum…
See, this is Jaws’ idea of a damn good Friday night:
Break down NFL Film like you mean it. And when he’s done, he’ll wrap it around your throat and strangle you with it, sunshine.
I’m serious - do not f with Ron Jaworski when it comes to knowing your X and O’s. Michael Irvin had a disagreement with Jaws about the Tampa 2 versus Cover 2 Defense last season. Jaws took control of Michael Irvin’s brain and forced him to do drugs. Michael Irvin now works here:
Honestly, I feel bad for Theismann. Because if football analysts had to do battle gladiator style based on their football acumen, then this would be Jaws:
…and this would be Theismann:
Decorum prohibits me from showing the bloodbath that would ensue; suffice it to say, Joey T. would end up like this:
Word of advice for Messieurs Tirico and Kornheiser: when Jaws starts swinging that football knowledge around, duck and cover boys. He will take your head off & suck your feeble pigskin life-force dry without warning.
There can be only one. His name is Jaws. Monday Nights on ESPN this fall.
(and I am way way WAY too excited about this…please excuse me while I go knock myself out)
Monday Night Football, MNF, ESPN, Joe Theismann, fired, Ron Jaworski, Jaws, Superman, God, Savior, you can sedate me now nurse
March 27th, 2007 at 11:11 am
Pretty f’n funny man!
March 27th, 2007 at 1:43 pm
mmmmm…ham
October 2nd, 2007 at 6:02 am
[...] - With all that said, the whole “Patriots could go undefeated” talk needs to stop now. Dear Lord Kornheiser, it’s WEEK 4! Even Jaws was laughing at you, and he’s a humorless cyborg that studies game film. [...]