Would You Care For….Some AFC Championship Champagne?
(opening the door to The Continental)
“Hallo! Oh, my dulcet darling….I have missed you….as the night sky misses the stars! And you look so lovely….so devastating….in your….sheik new uniform. A pity though….that you did not wear your powder blues….they so accentuate your femininity!”
“Wait, do not go my petite petunia! I dare not offend you….tempestuous one! Trust me….I have changed since last year. You will find me a much more gracious host….this time around. Please….would you care for….a glass of champagne? Some caviar?”
“There, there, much better….let us celebrate your team’s ….glorious achievement! But one game away from the Super Bowl….and to be lead by (pause, looks at black book)….William Volek and Legedu Naanee! How wonderful. Who knows….what gas station they will be employed at next year, Fräulein!
Fear not leepschun, I am sure you hero….your master of quiet dignity…..LaDainian Tomlinson….will be ready for battle on Sunday! Lucky for you….he appears to have….a quick healing vagina.
As for your vaunted ariel commander….Philip Rivers (a.k.a. Marmalard)….sadly I have my doubts. But what heroics he issued forth in Indianapolis!
Behold that intense gaze! That laser-like focus….that look of someone who needs to drop a rather large deuce. Surely….some credit to your 4th quarter comeback….belongs to him.
And how he verbally jousted with those Colts fans….my, my! Such bravery! Although, I am confused….tell me, my sweet gecko….how can he do that, but also say this? Is he conflicted? Perhaps….a bit selective with his personal code of ethics? Or is he simply….an enormous douchebag?
Wait, wait! A thousand pardons! Please….have some New England Clam Chowder! Ah, yes….good isn’t it? I made it myself, buttercup. Mmmmm….chunky!
Truly….I cannot express how impressed I was with your chief tactician….commandant Norv…..his scheming was utterly brilliant! And only one 12-men on the field penalty….all game long! He has come quite a long way since Week 2….such an exponential improvement in IQ hasn’t been witnessed since….Flowers for Algernon….
By the way, my sinewy serpent, is it true….that in a dreadful childhood incident….he accidentally shot himself in the face….with a shotgun full of rock salt?
Oh, I kid, I kid, my little locust! I have nothing but respect….and admiration for your entire organization. Take Shawne Merriman, for example. That gentleman….he exudes nothing but class….from every open orifice on his tattoo covered body!
Ah….you appear to be getting sleepy….my succulent squash. I must inform you that….unbeknownst to you….I slipped a Mickey….in your chunky clam chowder….
There, there….just lie back (removes robe)….as I unleash….my gi-normous Patriot missile! As you go under, my glorious doormat….please know….that just like last year….this will be….very, very painful….
New England Patriots, San Diego Chargers, AFC Championship, Talking NFL, Glorify the Past, opening old wounds, the continental, SNL back in the day
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